excuse my french.

argh. frustrations.

just where did we go wrong?
when did it end up like this?

this pressure. this invisible pressure.
this head. this expanding head.
these shoulders. these heavy shoulders.

i'm sorry, but what the fuck.

i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

day three.

okay, i know i said i'd do this. take this break. a short one. after all, i spent the whole of last year slogging at work while receiving a temp worker's pay. yes, as i would say, i spent the year being Chandler Bing.

but it's barely day 3 into the start of my break and i'm already feeling the complete uselessness of someone not earning anything.

good god, i'm a 40-year-old trapped in a 21-year-old's body.

no more brown.

officially jobless.

Life.

"i want you to be smiling when i see you."
that's what he said to me the last time we spoke on the phone.

rest in peace, Uncle Colin.

jammin' my troubles away

it is a strange feeling, seeing how anna's leaving for france in a couple of months and i'm moving out of here in a few. it almost feels like, according to her, the last episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (i said "Days Of Our Lives" but okay, i'm old).

on a good note, we just ended an impromptu jam session. :)
old-school(from our generation of course) and plenty of fun.
reminiscence!

i'm tired and i have callouses on the fingers on my left hand. but it's all good.
i should probably take a shower right about now.

trouble schmouble.

moving because you want a change of environment and moving because you need the money are two completely different things. belonging to the latter is not so easy.

helps to have a brother around sometimes.
oh, the classic line.

kimchi.

it feels like it has been a while. and i have a little confession to make.

recently, i've become hooked onto something. something that i never thought i would be hooked onto. something that i never believed would be an addiction.

korean variety programmes.

so okay, not the sappy dramas. the variety shows.
still.

i dont think i've ever relied on subtitles so much in my life.

and i never thought i would be laughing so hard at programmes produced by the same people who would write stories about a rich man falling in love with a poor woman who probably has some childhood friend who has been secretly in love with her since he was 5. (yes, try saying that in one breath.) oh and he probably has some form of cancer too.

so hard that there were times my stomach begged me to stop. "geu man hae," it said.

shite.

i blame the disappearance of The Office.

ok but wait, this honestly is one of the coolest acts i've ever seen.


very, very creative.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE, YOU COME BACK NOW.

scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?

this news caught my attention today.

"Lambert may sing with Queen"

say what?

like how Nirvana and The Beatles have never replaced Kurt Cobain and John Lennon, Queen should never replace Freddie Mercury.

thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!

hot hot heat.

oh, the HUMIDITY.

was last may this hot and humid? i dont recall.
maybe it was.
that's right. melting ice caps, dammit.

come to think of it, it'd be stranger if we started to snow right now.

but look, i dont care.
SNOW, singapore. SNOW!!!

okay, rain!

(why do i have the sudden urge to go, "EARTH! FIRE! WIND! WATER! HEART!")

"dear Uncle C."

something's been bugging me over the past few days. it's this email that i've been meaning to write. the email. i just havent been able to actually write it out because...i dont really know how or where to begin.

sitting in front of the computer, opening up my hotmail, clicking "new" and staring into the empty space on screen. i've done that a couple of times.

what do you say to someone who's been given only up to this christmas to live?

so many things. yet, i cant seem to be able to put them in words.
somehow.

the chorus.

i may have been 5 years late, but i probably wouldnt have appreciated this film as much 5 years ago.



i loved it.
je l'aime.

ice.

i was in the middle of my Nong-Shim-korean-cup-noodle-session when a bunch of strangers and a property agent walked into my house.

these strangers then explored around the house, which also included venturing into my boudoir, all that while i slurped my noodles at the dining table.

did it feel weird having three strange men and a woman walk into my bedroom at 8.30pm on a saturday night? yes.

no words were exchanged between me and them. not even eye contact.

because no one interrupts me during my cup-noodle session.
especially if you're a stranger.

rebelling? repelling.

everyone identifies with sarcasm. i identify with it the most.

i've been typing and backspacing, typing and backspacing here for the last three minutes. it seems to have just hit me that blogging doesnt help like it did before anymore. i used to be able to express myself much more freely here in the past. yes. in the past.

why am i backspacing so much? i am backspacing alot.
there, i just did it again.

a stream of bad news just flowed in like the yellow river. i hadhave a million thoughts, but i cant bring myself to write it out or talk about it. i wonder. maybe i'm just lazy? a part of me doesnt want to because i'm tired of repeating the same thing i've just heard. i'm tired of re-thinking about it. it's all shiteous anyway. i dont know what the other part is.

oh look, apparently, i'm still thinking about it because i just mentioned it. just what i wanted. yay.

dammit. i need to blast some music and quit talking to myself in my head. stop talking to yourself in your head, you crazy bitch.

not central park, but.

people say that going for a run helps you clear your mind of things and generally tends to lift your spirits after that.

it really does. :)

useless desires

"Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this

I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires"

- Patty Griffin

music therapy works.

happy thoughts.

i need a boxing bag.
and boxing gloves.
and extra protection for my swollen finger.

the ganglion cyst

at the hospital, where one of the doctors was comparing my swelled left pinky with the one on the right.

doctor: "hmmm. should be a ganglion."

*checks further*

doctor: "mmm. chubby fingers, huh?"
me: "yeah. fat kid."

quote of the day:

"talk to my elite, uncaring face."

- Marcus "Markiepoo" Tan

like cotton candy.

everybody, now!

awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

would you capture it, or let it slip?

finally.

a light at the end of the, not dark, but dimly lit tunnel. the closed doors are finally opening. i hope this is it. i hope it is time.

an opportunity. wow.

let it all fall into place nicely. please.

*crosses fingers*

okay, big man?