27 Feb 2011: note to self.

stop it, seige. you made a resolution.

stop it.

24 Feb 2011: The Panic Room

i have a problem. i panic easily.

i'm not talking about the kind of panic you feel at the last minute when you realised that you had forgotten to do something that was due in two days (you asked for it), or the kind you feel when you realised that you might have forgotten to turn the stove off before going out(yeah you should probably panic), but the kind you feel when a whole chunk of information is suddenly being thrown in your face and you suddenly feel overwhelmed. yes, that kind of panic.

i always tell people to try to take it easy whenever something happens (and i sincerely mean it when i tell them that), but i've never been able to tell myself to do so before i switch to panic mode. i know i'm not a perfectionist for sure, but whenever something crops up, it's a million thoughts interlinking in my head straightaway; starting from the "oh shits" to the "what ifs", and ending with a curse at the situation. no, not an expecto patronum curse, but a cuss that rhymes with "no duck". how uncalled for.

now i've heard that panicking may be a good thing sometimes because it pushes you to start doing whatever you need to do that will solve the problem. but over-panicking can be a big pain in the arse head sometimes, because then you start piling on the unneccessary stress that you know you can prevent. make that most of the time.

maybe it's just me. maybe i like being comfortable too much.

i refuse to be that weak.

afterall, coldplay says, "we live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do."

3 Feb 2011: Gong Xi Fa Cai

happy lunar new year, everybody. :)

1 Feb 2011: dyed and gone to hairven

ever felt sheepishly guilty when your hairdresser asked you if you had dyed your hair by yourself before and the answer was a "yes"?

i have.

23 Jan 2011: perhaps.

we're less than two weeks away from the chinese new year. how fast did time have to pass for it to be less than two weeks away? wow. even though i forsee it to be another boring one(like the past couple of years), i'm still excited. for bak kwa at least. it's not chinese new year if there isn't barbequed pork, really. no, really. i'm serious. really. as serious as the dark knight.



this also means that i'm 3 months away from Oklahoma. WOAH. three months. and i have yet to settle the tickets and the accommodation in LA. what if i end up sleeping on the streets? do you need a license to busk in LA?

maybe i should really go try to pick up some chinese martial arts right now so that i can perform for food when i'm there. let's face it. no one wants to see an asian girl singing on the boulevard in Hollywood, especially when the girl cannot sing. but hey, if i can master the shadowless kick, the drunken fist, or maybe some wing chun, there's a possibility that i might make enough for a Quiznos sub. hmm.

12 Jan 2011: what.the.fortunecookie

i always try to make it a point to never blog when i'm mad, but most of the time, it never works. so yes, i am mad. mad pissed. because of this:

http://www.brandchannel.com/home/post/2011/01/10/Google-Forces-Youtube-Account-Linking.aspx

yes, i am one of those who got logged out of youtube, and i cannot log back in now. what's worse is that i cannot even access the homepage of it because, hey, "Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage". whoop dee doo.

ohhhh yes. that's right. just about everyone who knows me knows how often i youtube. they don't call me the youtube ambassador for nothing. and this ambassador is P.O. so yes, those veins you see popping out of my neck? and the slight green color that seems to be appearing on my face? do not be alarmed. this happens to me when i morph into the she-hulk. it has happened before. i promise i won't do anybody any harm. if i do, maybe somebody can film me and upload the video onto youtube. it's not like i can watch it anyway since i can't log into it now. *bangs head on table*

so i searched online to find out what on mothernature's earth was going on and apparently, i wasn't the only one who was dealing with this. a whole bunch of people were. and boy, were those people mad.

and then it hit me. it suddenly hit me. something was funny about this situation.

that a whole bunch of people from all over the world were getting pissed off because they we can't log into youtube. wow. just how much have we been relying on youtube, that we're getting super mad at the situation? it's not even our email accounts that got locked. can't we all just...ignore this and go out for a jog or something?

well, yeah, i guess we could. but you wouldn't understand. unless you have a dog. because while this is not like an end-of-the-world situation, it's kinda like a your-dog-got-kidnapped situation. so unless you have a dog, you don't know how this feels. because my "dog" just got kidnapped.

and on top of that, this giant pimple on my chin seems to be indestructible. i kid you not. i've thrown on huge amounts of pimple cream for days but it hasn't subsided one bit. it's like i'll wake up tomorrow and discover a bunch of little people living on it. what's more, another one seems to be ready to pop out beside it. what am i? 15?! stop popping out already.

now RETURN ME MY DOG, dammit!

3 Jan 2011: Rain.

dark clouds. heavy raindrops. slippery roads.


what a wet, wet day.

but i loved it.

i loved it because i was nice and dry in my own bedroom, and i could watch the rain fall outside without having to look into a neighbor's kitchen window at the same time.



i love a rainy day...only when i'm at home.

of course, it would've been much better if i wasn't working on a political paper, and was watching cartoons instead. or maybe Tweenies.



i don't know why the Tweenies. i dont even remember any of their names. rain just reminds me of them. (yes, they're multi-colored, but they are not the teletubbies.)

or maybe Bananas in Pyjamas.


"Are you thinking what i'm thinking, B1?"

oh well, if only.

31 Dec 2010: tick.tock.

it is that time of the year again.

my top 5 highlights of 2010 (like it concerns you):

5) school: starting school again after a hiatus of nearly 2 years, and making lots of new friends along the way. gotta love meeting new people.

4) merry christmas and happy birthday: the tradition that returned, the tree that finally appeared in my living room, and the little birthday surprise that anna and marc pulled on me. plus a little video message from my youtube idol. *cough* happy birthday to me, indeed. :)

3) Shanghai: it was the first time everyone in my family flew on a plane together after 15 years. yes, fifteen. sure, the flights were filled with turbulences and clogged up toilets, and plane food didn't fascinate me that much anymore, but dammit, we had a whale of a time, alright.

2) Green Day Live in Singapore: okay, possibly one of the best concerts that i had ever been to in my life. for real. Kelly Clarkson's was awesome too, but Green Day killed it for me. killlled it.

1) moved: what else can i say? i love my new crib. :)

so this spells the end of 2010(well technically, there're slightly more than 6 hours to go, but anyway) and i must say it has been a fairly good year for me.

with Michael Buble, Oklahoma(this is the part where Billy Gilman comes in) and graduation coming up, i hope 2011 will be a pretty good year as well. better? sure. who's complaining?

this is me trying to ignore the fact that graduation means having to look for a job which also means ohcrapimintrouble.

happy new year, everybody. :)

25 Dec 2010: tis the season to be jolly!

it's the most wonderful time of the year.

happy holidays. :)

7 Nov 2010: 800 feet above the ground

it has only been a month since we moved into our new place but everyone seems to have quickly adapted to this new house just fine. it may not be the biggest or the most perfect home, but we adore it anyway.

afterall, it is ours. :)

best of all, i finally got a brand new room to put up this brand new(old) poster that i purchased two years ago.



yesssss.

7 Oct 2010: Life.

i was looking through facebook last night and was extremely shocked to find out over someone's status that a teacher from my secondary school had collapsed in school and passed away a couple of days ago.

i can't believe it.

even though i had never been taught by him before, i knew who the man was, and he sure did not look like a person who would leave so suddenly. i spent four years in that school. i knew he taught physics, was in charge of the ncc, and was pretty fit and relatively young. so how did this happen?

i visited the memory page created for this teacher in facebook. he seemed like a man who had a lot of passion for education and life, and the messages written for his two children about what a great man their father was were simply just... heartbreaking.

there really is no other way to say how unpredictable life is. it's so scary how death suddenly finds someone when you least expect it. sigh.

R.I.P, Mr. Joseph Lim.

5 October 2010: so long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, goodnight.

this is it. the time has finally arrived. i am finally moving out of here tomorrowin a few hours.

moving out of tampines was meant to be a bittersweet thing for me...but right now, the sweetness of moving out of this rented craphole that i've lived in for a year is definitely more overwhelming than the bitterness that was meant to come. sweet.

am i going to miss this place? well, i'll miss being able to find almost ANYTHING i want or need just by crossing the road. i'll miss the zha jiang mian stall at one of the coffeeshops around here. incidentally, they moved out a few days ago as well, so i guess i wont feel so bad for not being able to eat their noodles anymore. i'll miss being able to walk to my old school in 5 minutes and eating my extremely economical and sumptuous lunch there. most of all, i'll miss being a tampinesian.

but here's what i will NOT miss.

this house. the color, the stove that looks like it came from 1986, the floor that never seems to be clean no matter how many times you try to wash it, the toilet that had no lock when we first moved in, the neighbors right above us that seem to love to jump or run around at 3plus am in the morning, and the list goes on and on. and stops at the pipe where disgusting stuff leaks out from. so yes, basically, almost everything about this house.

i am kinda proud of what i have done to my room, seeing what it looked like before we moved in here. now packing was a bitch, and unpacking over at the new place is going to be an even bigger bitch (i think i've said this a year ago), but let's just say that i am ready to get out of here anytime.

besides, once a tampinesian, always a tampinesian. if there was even such a word to begin with.

21 july 2010: Cross Country

i don't know why i keep doing this to myself. over and over again.

i knew i creeped myself out when my door creaked at 3am one night, while i was in the middle of Jack and Jill.

i knew i dreamt that i was living with a murderer, in a house where he had murdered his victims, the night i finished Alex Cross's Trial.

i knew that it was late and that school starts again in 11 hours, after a month's break. but that was the least of my concerns.

i was only a few chapters away from the end.

i was about to find out who the one behind it all was. who Tiger was working for. where Alex's family was.



the house was quiet. reeeally quiet. my mother was asleep, and my father and brother were out. my room door was almost closed. almost. i wanted to close it. i looked at it, but then i thought, maybe i shouldn't walk to the door at all. maybe not.

what if someone came out from behind the door? what if someone had been watching me all along? no, no, it's just a book, seige. just a book. yes. that's right.

so...my door was left the way it was. go ahead, laugh.

like i said, i don't know why i keep doing this to myself. i'll probably do it again. once i get my hands on I, Alex Cross.

in the meantime, at least i found out who the bastards behind it all were. yes. case closed. AND my father and brother came back.

phew.

13 August 2010

3 years ago today, i lost a friend.

wow. 3 years. how quickly time flies.

it is a strange feeling. it doesnt feel like a recent thing, but i can remember everything like it was yesterday. it is a memory that i've tried to block out, but that i can never do. never.

still, i have moved on with my life. i think we all have. and i believe that i've learnt to appreciate life a lot more over the past 3 years than i did before.

we only have one life to live, so live it, and live it right.

i still miss her.
i still miss you.

but i'd like to believe that she's happy wherever she is. yes. i'm sure you are. :)

from black to blue.

it's 6.34am and the sky is slowly turning blue. i'm guessing the sun is probably going to rise in 30 minutes or so.

yes, i am still up, but it's okay.

because i finally, FINALLY finished my campaign. FINALLY.

yes. i would like to jump up and down and do a cheer right now, but it's too early in the morning and everyone's still asleep. also, i should really go to bed right about now.

but before that,
TEENAGEMUTANTNIJATURTLESCOWABUNGAIFREAKINGDIDIT.

okay, enough for now. one campaign down, one more to go.
just because i havent K.O.-ed doesnt mean that i am looking forward to this.
but oh well.

round two: fight.

CUC-KOO

it's 3.40am, i'm up and i'm not youtubing. no.way.

school is really starting to take its toll on me. really. doesnt help that i've ran out of the miraculous pimple cream that my friend got me from malaysia. never knew what the brand really was, but never cared, because it got rid of my pimples GOOD.

look at my face now. it's a farm. with chickens.

but as much as i hate the current assignments and feel the urge to turn green and morph into the hulk on many occasions while i'm working on them, i dont hate school. on the contrary, school has been pretty fun for me since it started. maybe it's the teachers. maybe it's the people. maybe it's the course. maybe it is all of them. yes, i think so. it's all of them.

but look, assignment submissions and examinations in 2 weeks? not cool.

yes, i should get back to work now. oh wait, i think i just heard my stomach protesting. YOU'RE GONNA PROTEST NOW? AT THIS HOUR?!

must...resist...urge...to..morph...

the school life.

i'm stressed.
i'm breaking out.
i'm not getting enough sleep, and this time it is not because of youtube.

when i get stressed, i get hungry. and then i eat. alot. you wont believe the amount of junk food i have stuffed down my body over the past week or so. no, you wont believe it. it has also been more than 2 months since i last went jogging. good job, seige. keep doing this to yourself, genius!

school has been fun, really. but deadlines? not so much. i know, i know. when has it ever been?

eating, though, is definitely fun. no...wait, where am i going with this?

yes, i am stressed. oh, "desserts" spelt backwards.

desserts. yummm.

Quote. Unquote.

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."

-Cynthia Nelms

The Godfather

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew

I hope this man lives until I die.

counting down.

one more day.

one more day to my first examination in 2 years.

i am dead nervous.

and yet, strangely excited.