2 Feb 2010: The Hunt

It's been almost four months since I graduated and got my Bachelor's degree. It's also been four months since I started looking for an official full-time job. And still, nothing. NOTHING at all. No interviews. No calls. No emails. Nothing. No, wait, scratch that. There were emails. Three, in fact. Emails of rejection. Yes. What else? Oh right, nothing.

I'm losing faith, confidence, and hope.

I'm not giving up, but this sucks. Really.

9 Sep 2011: Where you lead, I will follow.

losing a loved one. how does one cope with that?

having attended two funeral wakes within these past two months have shown me how scary cancer can be. but do you know what is scarier than cancer? losing your mother to it.

i cant even begin to imagine the pain of losing a mother. my mother and i... we're close. i mean, really close. i tell her everything. well, mostly everything. she knows the names of my friends. she knows what goes on in my life most of the time. she even knows when i'm having my period. in fact, i talk to her so much that she sometimes has to shut me up because she cannot hear what the people on TV are saying.

so we dont say "i love you", or hug and kiss each other. but that's just the way our family rolls. i used to stand on my bed and kiss my mother on the cheeks every night while she tucked my t-shirt in to prepare me for bed. i used to kiss her and say, "goodnight, mommy," before she tucked me in. but as i outgrew my bed, and outgrew my pjs, i outgrew the habit of kissing her on the cheeks too.

but that didnt change anything. i still say my goodnights. perhaps without the "mommy" at the back, and with a little punchline or two right before that. sure, i make fun of her once in a while...okay, more than once in a while. and of course, i sometimes play the extra mean card by watching the next episode of some korean drama without her(because she needs to sleep as much as she wants to watch it) and telling her that i am going to do that while she's lying on her bed, ready to go to sleep. and we're not exactly Lorelai and Rory (age gap and talking speed wise). but we're still really close. and i think the older i get, the closer we become as well.

a mother is a girl's best friend. i mean, there's also the daddy's-little-girl concept. but my mother is my best friend. and i cant begin to imagine how it would feel if i were to lose her. even at 23. even if i'm 33. or 43. or 53.

with all that said, we all know that life is unpredictable. death, on the other hand, sometimes is. even so, the pain of having to deal with it is still hard to bear. i just hope that the people who had to go through that would find that bit of strength in their lives to carry on. i really really do. i guess we really have to appreciate the people we love while they are still around.

and if my mother happens to come across this for some reason one day:
mommy, i love you. :)

also, i'm going to watch episode 27 so, HA-HA.

30 Jun 2011: it's been a while. a long while.

to my dear stalker/neighbor/bandmate/in-law/friend/bitch-friend/fellow-POSS,



bon voyage. :)
you will be missed.

come back an aussie snob, and you're a dead man. :)

20 Apr 2011: All the Stars and Boulevards

i'm leaving for Oklahoma in 10 days.



yet somehow, i'm not as excited as i should be. or as i thought i would be. to be honest, i don't think i'm even the least bit excited at all. and that's really strange.

some friends have started to countdown. some have started to pack. some are just plain excited. me? i think the most excited i felt over the past week was when i finally caught up with the rest of the world on Season 2 of Glee.

don't get me wrong. i've always wanted to go to the States (as we know from a certain green past). and this trip would be my very first trip there. in fact, this 3-week residency in Oklahoma was one of the reasons why i selected this course in the first place. and i'll finally get to go to LA. sunset strip, hollywood boulevard, disneyland...

...so why am i not feeling the excitement yet?

1 Apr 2011: Invented

it is april fool's day.

but today is a day that is way more meaningful than that.
not that april fool's day is meaningful at all. IT IS NOT.

today is the day that Jimmy Eat World performs live in Singapore. for the very first time.

but no, i am not going.

unfortunately, that is not an april fool's joke. unfortunately for me, that is.

so i've been trying to avoid all signs and posters that have been promoting this concert for the past couple of weeks. but facebook, oh, doggone facebook, keeps reminding me that there is an EVENT going on this week. yes, i clicked "maybe attending" back then. oh, harboring hopes like a fool, i was. believing in fairies even though i know they don't exist.

i haven't changed my RSVP status to "not attending". and i shall not...like that is going to change anything.

as i was typing this, i was reading the event page as well, and i just found out that the concert is going to be...three hours long. three hours. excuse me while i attempt to laugh this off nonchalantly.

at 8pm tonight, i am going to blast J.E.W. on my computer. this is as close as i can get.

if my mother comes in, i am going to get her to mosh next to me.

27 Feb 2011: note to self.

stop it, seige. you made a resolution.

stop it.

24 Feb 2011: The Panic Room

i have a problem. i panic easily.

i'm not talking about the kind of panic you feel at the last minute when you realised that you had forgotten to do something that was due in two days (you asked for it), or the kind you feel when you realised that you might have forgotten to turn the stove off before going out(yeah you should probably panic), but the kind you feel when a whole chunk of information is suddenly being thrown in your face and you suddenly feel overwhelmed. yes, that kind of panic.

i always tell people to try to take it easy whenever something happens (and i sincerely mean it when i tell them that), but i've never been able to tell myself to do so before i switch to panic mode. i know i'm not a perfectionist for sure, but whenever something crops up, it's a million thoughts interlinking in my head straightaway; starting from the "oh shits" to the "what ifs", and ending with a curse at the situation. no, not an expecto patronum curse, but a cuss that rhymes with "no duck". how uncalled for.

now i've heard that panicking may be a good thing sometimes because it pushes you to start doing whatever you need to do that will solve the problem. but over-panicking can be a big pain in the arse head sometimes, because then you start piling on the unneccessary stress that you know you can prevent. make that most of the time.

maybe it's just me. maybe i like being comfortable too much.

i refuse to be that weak.

afterall, coldplay says, "we live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do."

3 Feb 2011: Gong Xi Fa Cai

happy lunar new year, everybody. :)

1 Feb 2011: dyed and gone to hairven

ever felt sheepishly guilty when your hairdresser asked you if you had dyed your hair by yourself before and the answer was a "yes"?

i have.

23 Jan 2011: perhaps.

we're less than two weeks away from the chinese new year. how fast did time have to pass for it to be less than two weeks away? wow. even though i forsee it to be another boring one(like the past couple of years), i'm still excited. for bak kwa at least. it's not chinese new year if there isn't barbequed pork, really. no, really. i'm serious. really. as serious as the dark knight.



this also means that i'm 3 months away from Oklahoma. WOAH. three months. and i have yet to settle the tickets and the accommodation in LA. what if i end up sleeping on the streets? do you need a license to busk in LA?

maybe i should really go try to pick up some chinese martial arts right now so that i can perform for food when i'm there. let's face it. no one wants to see an asian girl singing on the boulevard in Hollywood, especially when the girl cannot sing. but hey, if i can master the shadowless kick, the drunken fist, or maybe some wing chun, there's a possibility that i might make enough for a Quiznos sub. hmm.

12 Jan 2011: what.the.fortunecookie

i always try to make it a point to never blog when i'm mad, but most of the time, it never works. so yes, i am mad. mad pissed. because of this:

http://www.brandchannel.com/home/post/2011/01/10/Google-Forces-Youtube-Account-Linking.aspx

yes, i am one of those who got logged out of youtube, and i cannot log back in now. what's worse is that i cannot even access the homepage of it because, hey, "Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage". whoop dee doo.

ohhhh yes. that's right. just about everyone who knows me knows how often i youtube. they don't call me the youtube ambassador for nothing. and this ambassador is P.O. so yes, those veins you see popping out of my neck? and the slight green color that seems to be appearing on my face? do not be alarmed. this happens to me when i morph into the she-hulk. it has happened before. i promise i won't do anybody any harm. if i do, maybe somebody can film me and upload the video onto youtube. it's not like i can watch it anyway since i can't log into it now. *bangs head on table*

so i searched online to find out what on mothernature's earth was going on and apparently, i wasn't the only one who was dealing with this. a whole bunch of people were. and boy, were those people mad.

and then it hit me. it suddenly hit me. something was funny about this situation.

that a whole bunch of people from all over the world were getting pissed off because they we can't log into youtube. wow. just how much have we been relying on youtube, that we're getting super mad at the situation? it's not even our email accounts that got locked. can't we all just...ignore this and go out for a jog or something?

well, yeah, i guess we could. but you wouldn't understand. unless you have a dog. because while this is not like an end-of-the-world situation, it's kinda like a your-dog-got-kidnapped situation. so unless you have a dog, you don't know how this feels. because my "dog" just got kidnapped.

and on top of that, this giant pimple on my chin seems to be indestructible. i kid you not. i've thrown on huge amounts of pimple cream for days but it hasn't subsided one bit. it's like i'll wake up tomorrow and discover a bunch of little people living on it. what's more, another one seems to be ready to pop out beside it. what am i? 15?! stop popping out already.

now RETURN ME MY DOG, dammit!

3 Jan 2011: Rain.

dark clouds. heavy raindrops. slippery roads.


what a wet, wet day.

but i loved it.

i loved it because i was nice and dry in my own bedroom, and i could watch the rain fall outside without having to look into a neighbor's kitchen window at the same time.



i love a rainy day...only when i'm at home.

of course, it would've been much better if i wasn't working on a political paper, and was watching cartoons instead. or maybe Tweenies.



i don't know why the Tweenies. i dont even remember any of their names. rain just reminds me of them. (yes, they're multi-colored, but they are not the teletubbies.)

or maybe Bananas in Pyjamas.


"Are you thinking what i'm thinking, B1?"

oh well, if only.

31 Dec 2010: tick.tock.

it is that time of the year again.

my top 5 highlights of 2010 (like it concerns you):

5) school: starting school again after a hiatus of nearly 2 years, and making lots of new friends along the way. gotta love meeting new people.

4) merry christmas and happy birthday: the tradition that returned, the tree that finally appeared in my living room, and the little birthday surprise that anna and marc pulled on me. plus a little video message from my youtube idol. *cough* happy birthday to me, indeed. :)

3) Shanghai: it was the first time everyone in my family flew on a plane together after 15 years. yes, fifteen. sure, the flights were filled with turbulences and clogged up toilets, and plane food didn't fascinate me that much anymore, but dammit, we had a whale of a time, alright.

2) Green Day Live in Singapore: okay, possibly one of the best concerts that i had ever been to in my life. for real. Kelly Clarkson's was awesome too, but Green Day killed it for me. killlled it.

1) moved: what else can i say? i love my new crib. :)

so this spells the end of 2010(well technically, there're slightly more than 6 hours to go, but anyway) and i must say it has been a fairly good year for me.

with Michael Buble, Oklahoma(this is the part where Billy Gilman comes in) and graduation coming up, i hope 2011 will be a pretty good year as well. better? sure. who's complaining?

this is me trying to ignore the fact that graduation means having to look for a job which also means ohcrapimintrouble.

happy new year, everybody. :)

25 Dec 2010: tis the season to be jolly!

it's the most wonderful time of the year.

happy holidays. :)

7 Nov 2010: 800 feet above the ground

it has only been a month since we moved into our new place but everyone seems to have quickly adapted to this new house just fine. it may not be the biggest or the most perfect home, but we adore it anyway.

afterall, it is ours. :)

best of all, i finally got a brand new room to put up this brand new(old) poster that i purchased two years ago.



yesssss.

7 Oct 2010: Life.

i was looking through facebook last night and was extremely shocked to find out over someone's status that a teacher from my secondary school had collapsed in school and passed away a couple of days ago.

i can't believe it.

even though i had never been taught by him before, i knew who the man was, and he sure did not look like a person who would leave so suddenly. i spent four years in that school. i knew he taught physics, was in charge of the ncc, and was pretty fit and relatively young. so how did this happen?

i visited the memory page created for this teacher in facebook. he seemed like a man who had a lot of passion for education and life, and the messages written for his two children about what a great man their father was were simply just... heartbreaking.

there really is no other way to say how unpredictable life is. it's so scary how death suddenly finds someone when you least expect it. sigh.

R.I.P, Mr. Joseph Lim.

5 October 2010: so long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, goodnight.

this is it. the time has finally arrived. i am finally moving out of here tomorrowin a few hours.

moving out of tampines was meant to be a bittersweet thing for me...but right now, the sweetness of moving out of this rented craphole that i've lived in for a year is definitely more overwhelming than the bitterness that was meant to come. sweet.

am i going to miss this place? well, i'll miss being able to find almost ANYTHING i want or need just by crossing the road. i'll miss the zha jiang mian stall at one of the coffeeshops around here. incidentally, they moved out a few days ago as well, so i guess i wont feel so bad for not being able to eat their noodles anymore. i'll miss being able to walk to my old school in 5 minutes and eating my extremely economical and sumptuous lunch there. most of all, i'll miss being a tampinesian.

but here's what i will NOT miss.

this house. the color, the stove that looks like it came from 1986, the floor that never seems to be clean no matter how many times you try to wash it, the toilet that had no lock when we first moved in, the neighbors right above us that seem to love to jump or run around at 3plus am in the morning, and the list goes on and on. and stops at the pipe where disgusting stuff leaks out from. so yes, basically, almost everything about this house.

i am kinda proud of what i have done to my room, seeing what it looked like before we moved in here. now packing was a bitch, and unpacking over at the new place is going to be an even bigger bitch (i think i've said this a year ago), but let's just say that i am ready to get out of here anytime.

besides, once a tampinesian, always a tampinesian. if there was even such a word to begin with.

21 july 2010: Cross Country

i don't know why i keep doing this to myself. over and over again.

i knew i creeped myself out when my door creaked at 3am one night, while i was in the middle of Jack and Jill.

i knew i dreamt that i was living with a murderer, in a house where he had murdered his victims, the night i finished Alex Cross's Trial.

i knew that it was late and that school starts again in 11 hours, after a month's break. but that was the least of my concerns.

i was only a few chapters away from the end.

i was about to find out who the one behind it all was. who Tiger was working for. where Alex's family was.



the house was quiet. reeeally quiet. my mother was asleep, and my father and brother were out. my room door was almost closed. almost. i wanted to close it. i looked at it, but then i thought, maybe i shouldn't walk to the door at all. maybe not.

what if someone came out from behind the door? what if someone had been watching me all along? no, no, it's just a book, seige. just a book. yes. that's right.

so...my door was left the way it was. go ahead, laugh.

like i said, i don't know why i keep doing this to myself. i'll probably do it again. once i get my hands on I, Alex Cross.

in the meantime, at least i found out who the bastards behind it all were. yes. case closed. AND my father and brother came back.

phew.

13 August 2010

3 years ago today, i lost a friend.

wow. 3 years. how quickly time flies.

it is a strange feeling. it doesnt feel like a recent thing, but i can remember everything like it was yesterday. it is a memory that i've tried to block out, but that i can never do. never.

still, i have moved on with my life. i think we all have. and i believe that i've learnt to appreciate life a lot more over the past 3 years than i did before.

we only have one life to live, so live it, and live it right.

i still miss her.
i still miss you.

but i'd like to believe that she's happy wherever she is. yes. i'm sure you are. :)

from black to blue.

it's 6.34am and the sky is slowly turning blue. i'm guessing the sun is probably going to rise in 30 minutes or so.

yes, i am still up, but it's okay.

because i finally, FINALLY finished my campaign. FINALLY.

yes. i would like to jump up and down and do a cheer right now, but it's too early in the morning and everyone's still asleep. also, i should really go to bed right about now.

but before that,
TEENAGEMUTANTNIJATURTLESCOWABUNGAIFREAKINGDIDIT.

okay, enough for now. one campaign down, one more to go.
just because i havent K.O.-ed doesnt mean that i am looking forward to this.
but oh well.

round two: fight.

CUC-KOO

it's 3.40am, i'm up and i'm not youtubing. no.way.

school is really starting to take its toll on me. really. doesnt help that i've ran out of the miraculous pimple cream that my friend got me from malaysia. never knew what the brand really was, but never cared, because it got rid of my pimples GOOD.

look at my face now. it's a farm. with chickens.

but as much as i hate the current assignments and feel the urge to turn green and morph into the hulk on many occasions while i'm working on them, i dont hate school. on the contrary, school has been pretty fun for me since it started. maybe it's the teachers. maybe it's the people. maybe it's the course. maybe it is all of them. yes, i think so. it's all of them.

but look, assignment submissions and examinations in 2 weeks? not cool.

yes, i should get back to work now. oh wait, i think i just heard my stomach protesting. YOU'RE GONNA PROTEST NOW? AT THIS HOUR?!

must...resist...urge...to..morph...

the school life.

i'm stressed.
i'm breaking out.
i'm not getting enough sleep, and this time it is not because of youtube.

when i get stressed, i get hungry. and then i eat. alot. you wont believe the amount of junk food i have stuffed down my body over the past week or so. no, you wont believe it. it has also been more than 2 months since i last went jogging. good job, seige. keep doing this to yourself, genius!

school has been fun, really. but deadlines? not so much. i know, i know. when has it ever been?

eating, though, is definitely fun. no...wait, where am i going with this?

yes, i am stressed. oh, "desserts" spelt backwards.

desserts. yummm.

Quote. Unquote.

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."

-Cynthia Nelms

The Godfather

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew

I hope this man lives until I die.

counting down.

one more day.

one more day to my first examination in 2 years.

i am dead nervous.

and yet, strangely excited.

alas.

trumpets and trombones in the afternoons. long, melancholy tunes. that's what i've been hearing every couple of days, for 2 weeks.

trumpets + trombones + long, melancholy tunes= ?

i wondered, no, i really wondered, why there were funeral processions going on every couple of days. are there really that many people dying in singapore recently? so how many have died already?

today, i heard it again.

what a depressing neighbourhood, i thought.

i looked out my window. a carpark away stood a secondary school. i've always known we lived near one for the 6 months that i've lived here, but i never knew we were that close to it.

and then it hit me. ah, yes.
SYF must be coming.

the world is bright again.

life as we know it

"If having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say i'm a failure. The important thing is not to bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognise that everyday won't be sunny. But when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of the night that you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home.

So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you.

The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination."

- Coach Whitey Durham

no mercy

ants. my mortal enemy.

you disrupted my studies. i destroyed you.

dont come back tomorrow night. i will crush you guys like ants.
oh, that's right. i will crush you, like you. again. with shieldtox. i mean it.

i need to finish this chapter.

ayo.

i've been suckered into the dirty world of media and technology.

i'm not at internet phones yet, and i'm okay with that, but one of my biggest fears now is to wake up one morning only to find out that my computer cannot be turned on.

i've waited for people for more than an hour before, but i have 2% tolerance when it comes to computers.

that's when the anger management program comes in.

my, look how i've fallen.
oh technology, you play dirty.

"When you can make the average great, your dreams can become a reality."

i just had a lovely chat with someone i havent seen or spoken to in quite a while.

a hospitable host.
an amazing chef.
an aspiring actress.
a witty, adorable and fun person to hang out with.
the elder sister i never had.

sweet memories.

i'm really glad to know that she's doing so well and going places in life. it appears that all her dreams are starting to come true and i'm truly happy for her. :)

it's funny how one's happiness can rub off on another, even if it's just via msn. i'm feeling inspired already.

OCU

school starts on the 8th of March.

it's official!

NERVES.

can you read my mind?

i JUST found out that The Killers' concert which was supposed to happen tonight was cancelled about a week back due to unforseen circumstances.

in case you didnt know, i wanted to go to their concert really badly when i first found out about it, but i couldnt find anyone who was interested as well, and by the time i did, the tickets were already sold out. it was Coldplay 2006 all over again! sheer disappointment.

but now that i know that they didnt come at all, i feel sooooo much better. i actually grinned for about 3 minutes when i heard the news. i even told my mom about it, and she had to pretend to be interested (since i whined to her about not being able to attend the concert this afternoon). i know. my poor mom who's probably still wondering why anyone would ever call themselves "The Killers".

i feel really bad for the people who bought the tickets though. i can imagine how sucky they must've felt when they heard the news. i know i would've bitched about it. yikes.

well i'm getting the tickets the next time they come. i shall. :)

Good Riddance

it's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.

Green Day's concert last night was absolutely BRILLIANT.


**this was not taken by me

i had the time of my life.

Seoul far, seoul good.

twenty-ten.
time for an update.

2009 ended on a pretty nice note for me. i guess, working the entire year paid off as the trip to Korea was nothing but fun and enjoyable for me. to put it simply, i had a blast.

my toes were frozen on most days, but i still loved the freezing weather despite that fact. it made the perfect excuse for a nice cup of hot cacao from dunkin donuts. plus, the layers of clothes helped to hide whatever extra weight i was putting on from all that chocolate. i know. i was self-convinced.

now i didnt(still dont) exactly know how to speak the Korean language. so i decided to throw in whatever i'd picked up from the variety shows that i had watched before. we started out feeling slightly embarrassed about it, but by the end of day one, we were throwing in words even if they didnt make sense. come on, at least ONE word had to, right? :)

from the beautiful nature on Jeju Island to the bright lights and tall buildings in Seoul city. walking to the macdonalds near our hotel in the evenings for ice cream and fries. entering every supermarket in sight to see what they were selling(even though they pretty much sold the same things). chatting with the grandmothers who were pulling dead grass off the ground. learning to make our very own kimchi and bukkumi. falling down about 16729345 times on the ski mountains and gaining about 6 bruises on my left leg after that. nodding our heads and saying "kamsahamnida" to everyone, everywhere. the discovery of Binggrae banana milk, fish sticks and Lotte throat candy.

the friendly tour group, the honest tour guide and most importantly, the crazy, whacky, fun and awesome companion i got to travel with. :)

i loved them all.

which was pretty much why i suffered from major post-holiday blues for about 2 1/2 weeks after i returned. uh-huh. that long.

well, you just wait for me, Korea. i'm definitely going back!

star king

5 more days to korea.

i should really start packing.

okay, maybe tomorrow.

splurge.

i spent a total of $1168.90 on gadgets in 2 days.

anyone who knows me knows that i'm not a gadget person. talk to me about the latest gadget models and i'll stare at you blankly like a goldfish with one lazy eye. heck, i didnt even know what model my mobile phone was when i first got it. actually, i'm still not very sure what model it is. nokia 6500...slide? uh, yeah, i think so.

but anyway, seeing that my original budget for a laptop(which was neccessary) was 1.2k, getting 3 gadgets for under that amount seems to be pretty damn worth it.

let's just hope they actually last under my hands.

we were warned.

i just caught this movie:



(if you're intending to watch it, you might wanna skip the next part.)

21.12.2012. the day the world comes to an end.
or not?

do i believe it?

looking at what's going on in the world right now, with natural disasters and pandemics wiping out states and countries across the world, i see every possibility that it might just happen. i just dont think that it will all happen in one day. maybe over time, in years, one by one. the effects of global warming, perhaps.

maybe.

well, whether you believe it or not, this is the conclusion that i came up with after watching the show.

a list of things to do to survive the end of the world:

1) learn to drive. beats running for your life.
2) learn to fly a plane. but let another pilot fly it so that you can escape while he's trying to land the plane.
3) befriend a pilot.
4) learn to swim. helps if you can hold your breath underwater for an exceptionally long time.
5) own 1 billion euros.
6) go to china.
7) marry john cusack.

actually, if you just do number 7, you're pretty much covered.

a new beginning...maybe?

with a new home, i figured that it was time for a new layout.
hence.

life in the new home. i want to say that i've gotten used to it, but i dont think i fully have, so i guess the word to use is "getting" and not "gotten".

the house is alright, except for the toilets, which i'm not so crazy about.

i'm pretty satisfied with my new room. i mean, seriously, if you'd seen what the colours on the walls looked like before we re-painted it, you'd understand. sure, the room's smaller than the one i had previously, but somehow it's feels cosier, and y'all know how i like to youtube in the middle of the night, so cosiness is a plus.

okay, no link. that last sentence only just tells you what a geek i am.

speaking of youtube, guess who's going to south korea this december? okay, so maybe you're probably wondering what youtube has to do with that. well, let's just say cra-zee variety programmes with english subs. :)

i know, english subs are the best.

on a side note, however, s.korea recently declared red alert against the H1N1 virus. yes, it's not exactly the brightest thing you'd wanna hear after paying almost 1.2k to the travel agent a few weeks before that. yikes, is the word. i truly hope it gets better by december. pray, pray, pray!

stupid swine flu.
and stupid ganglion cyst that came back. what did my pinky ever do to YOU, dammit?

moving on to brighter(darker?) things. i'm finally going back to school next february.

honestly, i was excited beforehand, but now i think i'm more nervous than anything else. i mean, it's been a year and a half since i last went to school. i guess i might've forgotten what it feels like to be studying for something. oops?

here we go again.

SO LONG. WEIRD CREEPY GUY!

it's 1.33am. i'm looking at my room and realising how it's actually quite big.

my bookshelf's gone, and so is the little cupboard beside my bed.

it's beginning to look empty.

packing's been a chore, but someone told me that unpacking's gonna be an even bigger pain in the butt. i think i believe her. especially after seeing how much junk i actually own. i wish myself luck.

tonight is the second last night that i'll spend in this room that i've slept in for 13 years and in this house that i've lived in for 21. about half a year ago, we put our house up for sale. to be honest, i had secretly hoped that there wasnt going to be any buyer. but i knew we had to sell it. 3 months ago, someone finally bought it. i then secretly hoped that we wouldnt be able to find another place that quickly. yes, i was secretly selfish.

less than 2 weeks ago, we got the keys to our new rented place.

and this place? my precious sanctuary. my hideout. my boudoir. it's just going to be a place filled with 21 years worth of memories. okay, maybe 16 years, since i cannot remember anything much from the first 5 years.

the day is finally coming. wow, it is real.

boy, am i going to miss this place like crazy.

but SO LONG, WCG!

back for now. packed for now.

what a change. what a month.

i am finally moving out this weekend.

first and foremost, i would really like to apologise to everyone who's had to listen to me whine incessantly about moving. i'm really sorry, you guys.

so i'm not a very pleasant mover as you can tell. especially since it wasnt my choice. not the home that i've spent my entire life in. but when life throws you a curve ball, there's nothing much that you can do, except to accept it.

okay, i guess i've come to terms with it. i have FINALLY started to pack. seriously though, how do you pack 21 years of stuff in a couple of weeks? no, how do you pack 21 years of stuff at all?

the new home.

i gotta admit, it's looking slightly more pleasant than before. painting really does wonders. more importantly, i've finally found the one thing that i actually like about my new room.

the little window at the top corner of the wall.

it took me a while to scrape off half of what the previous tenant left behind on the window pane (some sticky paper thingy to block out the sunlight). the other half is pretty much too stubborn to be removed. but i'll make do. just as long as i can see the sky and clouds (and not what the person living opposite is doing) when i sit on my bed. yes, i shall call it my "little sky window". very creative, i know.

so much more to pack.

if i put my key under the pillow when i sleep tonight, is there a moving pixie of some sort that will appear?

the darndest things

talking about the nails on my big toes which are strangely slanted.

mom: your toes are exactly like your father's. not mine, your father's. your brother's toes look like mine, but not yours. you're just like your father.

me: well, at least that means i'm not adopted... right?

c'est la vie

annabella ballerina's leaving for france tonight. :(

see you in 2010, babe. :)

(okay, see you tonight. and then again in 2010.)

excuse my french.

argh. frustrations.

just where did we go wrong?
when did it end up like this?

this pressure. this invisible pressure.
this head. this expanding head.
these shoulders. these heavy shoulders.

i'm sorry, but what the fuck.

i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

day three.

okay, i know i said i'd do this. take this break. a short one. after all, i spent the whole of last year slogging at work while receiving a temp worker's pay. yes, as i would say, i spent the year being Chandler Bing.

but it's barely day 3 into the start of my break and i'm already feeling the complete uselessness of someone not earning anything.

good god, i'm a 40-year-old trapped in a 21-year-old's body.

no more brown.

officially jobless.

Life.

"i want you to be smiling when i see you."
that's what he said to me the last time we spoke on the phone.

rest in peace, Uncle Colin.

jammin' my troubles away

it is a strange feeling, seeing how anna's leaving for france in a couple of months and i'm moving out of here in a few. it almost feels like, according to her, the last episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (i said "Days Of Our Lives" but okay, i'm old).

on a good note, we just ended an impromptu jam session. :)
old-school(from our generation of course) and plenty of fun.
reminiscence!

i'm tired and i have callouses on the fingers on my left hand. but it's all good.
i should probably take a shower right about now.

trouble schmouble.

moving because you want a change of environment and moving because you need the money are two completely different things. belonging to the latter is not so easy.

helps to have a brother around sometimes.
oh, the classic line.

kimchi.

it feels like it has been a while. and i have a little confession to make.

recently, i've become hooked onto something. something that i never thought i would be hooked onto. something that i never believed would be an addiction.

korean variety programmes.

so okay, not the sappy dramas. the variety shows.
still.

i dont think i've ever relied on subtitles so much in my life.

and i never thought i would be laughing so hard at programmes produced by the same people who would write stories about a rich man falling in love with a poor woman who probably has some childhood friend who has been secretly in love with her since he was 5. (yes, try saying that in one breath.) oh and he probably has some form of cancer too.

so hard that there were times my stomach begged me to stop. "geu man hae," it said.

shite.

i blame the disappearance of The Office.

ok but wait, this honestly is one of the coolest acts i've ever seen.


very, very creative.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE, YOU COME BACK NOW.

scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?

this news caught my attention today.

"Lambert may sing with Queen"

say what?

like how Nirvana and The Beatles have never replaced Kurt Cobain and John Lennon, Queen should never replace Freddie Mercury.

thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!

hot hot heat.

oh, the HUMIDITY.

was last may this hot and humid? i dont recall.
maybe it was.
that's right. melting ice caps, dammit.

come to think of it, it'd be stranger if we started to snow right now.

but look, i dont care.
SNOW, singapore. SNOW!!!

okay, rain!

(why do i have the sudden urge to go, "EARTH! FIRE! WIND! WATER! HEART!")

"dear Uncle C."

something's been bugging me over the past few days. it's this email that i've been meaning to write. the email. i just havent been able to actually write it out because...i dont really know how or where to begin.

sitting in front of the computer, opening up my hotmail, clicking "new" and staring into the empty space on screen. i've done that a couple of times.

what do you say to someone who's been given only up to this christmas to live?

so many things. yet, i cant seem to be able to put them in words.
somehow.

the chorus.

i may have been 5 years late, but i probably wouldnt have appreciated this film as much 5 years ago.



i loved it.
je l'aime.

ice.

i was in the middle of my Nong-Shim-korean-cup-noodle-session when a bunch of strangers and a property agent walked into my house.

these strangers then explored around the house, which also included venturing into my boudoir, all that while i slurped my noodles at the dining table.

did it feel weird having three strange men and a woman walk into my bedroom at 8.30pm on a saturday night? yes.

no words were exchanged between me and them. not even eye contact.

because no one interrupts me during my cup-noodle session.
especially if you're a stranger.

rebelling? repelling.

everyone identifies with sarcasm. i identify with it the most.

i've been typing and backspacing, typing and backspacing here for the last three minutes. it seems to have just hit me that blogging doesnt help like it did before anymore. i used to be able to express myself much more freely here in the past. yes. in the past.

why am i backspacing so much? i am backspacing alot.
there, i just did it again.

a stream of bad news just flowed in like the yellow river. i hadhave a million thoughts, but i cant bring myself to write it out or talk about it. i wonder. maybe i'm just lazy? a part of me doesnt want to because i'm tired of repeating the same thing i've just heard. i'm tired of re-thinking about it. it's all shiteous anyway. i dont know what the other part is.

oh look, apparently, i'm still thinking about it because i just mentioned it. just what i wanted. yay.

dammit. i need to blast some music and quit talking to myself in my head. stop talking to yourself in your head, you crazy bitch.

not central park, but.

people say that going for a run helps you clear your mind of things and generally tends to lift your spirits after that.

it really does. :)

useless desires

"Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this

I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires"

- Patty Griffin

music therapy works.

happy thoughts.

i need a boxing bag.
and boxing gloves.
and extra protection for my swollen finger.

the ganglion cyst

at the hospital, where one of the doctors was comparing my swelled left pinky with the one on the right.

doctor: "hmmm. should be a ganglion."

*checks further*

doctor: "mmm. chubby fingers, huh?"
me: "yeah. fat kid."

quote of the day:

"talk to my elite, uncaring face."

- Marcus "Markiepoo" Tan

like cotton candy.

everybody, now!

awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

would you capture it, or let it slip?

finally.

a light at the end of the, not dark, but dimly lit tunnel. the closed doors are finally opening. i hope this is it. i hope it is time.

an opportunity. wow.

let it all fall into place nicely. please.

*crosses fingers*

okay, big man?

that was when she ruled the world.

a big, big, big congratulations to my dearest, whackiest, dorkiest, happiest, maybe-we're-twins-iest, (used-to-be)joined-at-the-hip-est cousin, annabella ballerina, for making it to the Essec Business School in France!



CONGRATULATIONS honey!

she finally made it. :)

and just in case you're reading this babe, i am soooo jealous. hmpf.

who's going to go to gigs with me now, huh? who? who?

alright, i kid, i kid. this girl really deserves this. and i truly believe that she'll make the best out of it. i'm the proud cousin! :)

no, but seriously, who's going to go with me to gigs now? anyone?

p.s.: jason mraz was truly da bomb diggity.

20909- Nokia 5800 "Comes With Music" Launch Party

okay. i woke up at 6.30am, left home at 7.20am, and i just got back not too long ago. i'm really tired, i havent showered, and my throat is sore. my cough, of course, is still here. i cant even tell if it's getting better or worse anymore.

despite all that, i still had to blog about this.

the all american rejects(truly one of my all-time favourite bands around) was awesome. Tyson sounded fantastic live, although i've already figured out that he would way before they even came. he did seem pretty kooky(and so did a couple of strange dudes standing around us), maybe it's the Tiger. but still fantastic. it's a huge pity they only performed six songs though. six. damn.

okay, so i'm reminded that it wasnt their own concert or anything(oh pish posh), but they were so good i just felt like i didnt have enough. and what happened to the encore? guys?

nevertheless, it was good, good fun.

it's amazing how last minute decisions work out nicely. how very, very last minute.

disturbia

James Patterson is back in my life.

it has been a while, but he has finally returned.



let the mind-games begin.

dear pops.

papa,

the time will come where you wont have to make such sacrifices anymore.

i promise.

good night.

sigh.

i hate the usage of this word alot.

especially in text.

the good and the bad "sigh".

sigh.

the catcher.

events this week.

caught Fall Out Boy at the Indoor Stadium.

caught The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

caught the fever.

band of -insertword-

sometimes his behaviour and actions make me want to throw myself off a bridge.

how many times do i have to put up with it?
he's lucky i love him.
plus i'm getting too old to be getting into fights.

of course, i'll tie a rope to myself when i jump because i'm not so stupid as to end my life over this. over anything.

it'll just be like a bungee jump.
i havent done that before.

this is embarrassing.

i'm sooo tired my brains have gone into bimbotic mode. so let me apologise first. i'm sorry.

so i was reading the papers today, and i saw this report on what's to be "the most acidic row to hit the fashion world in 15 years", a.k.a. "Trousergate".

like the name says, it all started because of a certain design of a pair of trousers.

apparently, the old designer guy from Armani, Giorgio, is now accusing Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana of copying his quilted trousers design that he did last season and putting that design on their runway show last week. or something.

hence the oh-no-you-did-nt bitchfight.

what started the row.

left: Armani's runway show last fall.
right: D&G's runway show last sunday.

okay. so they do look similar.
but honestly, i really dont know why they're having a row for.

both designs are hideous.

i dont know about you, but i, for one, wouldnt spend hundreds of dollars on oven mittens.

burn!

no truth to that.

i cant actually figure out if it's my colleagues who are funny, or me who's the funny one, but we're laughing way too much at work.

it's outrageous.

and it works for me.
it keeps my mind off serious things i dont want to think about.

see, there are people you laugh at, and there are people you laugh with. and then there are those that make you laugh. and those you make laugh.

with these people? it's like we're drunk everyday at work.

i like working with funny people.

it really is that little bit of insanity that keeps us sane for the day.

ironic, but it works for me.

vent.

i dont want to be one of those people.

am i lying to myself?

yes, i'm jealous.

okay get over it.

she quotes:

"There are two ways to alter difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them." - Phyllis Bottome

at age 20, you've lived 2 decades of your life pretty comfortably. you didnt have it all, but you had it all. i know. same words.

granted, over the years, a few things got you down. particularly one thing. so who would've thought that the one thing that made you feel incapable over the years would be the one thing that you would be fighting so hard for? there. the unpredictability of life. pretty amazing.

recently, you had a long heart-to-heart talk with yourself.
you had to make yourself understand.

you've made too many considerations. you were always considering what the whole world would feel but you would forget to think about how you would feel. then come the nights where you're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night because, despite how sleepy and tired you were, you couldnt go to sleep.

now, you understand that the only one thing you can do is to maintain positive. after all, a little bit of positivity goes a long way. and you shall attempt to do so.

you're not 100% there yet, in terms of accepting the reality. the circumstances. but you know that it's a fact, so accept it or not, that's what's going on. and you will accept it.

besides, if there's a will, there's a way.
and if that's labelled as a cliched phrase, it is only because many people have said it at least once in their lives, which also means that many people have been through times in their lives where they had to use it. see? you are not alone.

so here's what i say.
you'll get what you want. because you want it. it might take you a while. so let it. there will be no white flag.

listen to yourself. you know what you're saying.
trust me.

Criminal Minds: Lo-Fi

oh my goshhhhh.



i swear my heart skipped a beat.
who on earth died?

damn season finale.

giving up something for the week.

day 6 without milo.

no vest with an 's' on my chest.

worst period cramps ever.

i've never had the case of 'getting mad at everyone' and stuff, but cramps are my killer. i've had bad cramps in the past, but yesterday's cramps won hands down. i've never felt so tortured in my life. i swear. not even with that wisdom toothache. the stomach cramps were painful, but it was the effing cramping of my limbs that was unbearable.

seriously. all four limbs. at the same time. is that even normal?

but i really, really do thank anna for coming up and trying to help me out before my mom came back. i was so sorry that she had to see me looking like Gollum. and that i probably freaked her out. especially since we were just having tim tams about an hour before that. but i freaked out myself.

my future boyfriend is screwed.
let me apologise first.

but anyway, thank you so much babe, you really did help. :)

being a woman really does stink at times. really.

i never, ever, want to experience that kind of pain ever again in my life. NEVER. ever. not for the next million years, no.

on to brighter things, i got my Kings of Leon album today. that quick huh? actually, it was more of a belated gift by Britters, who's about to enlist in a day's time. finally. free training okay, mate? i think he'll be just fine.

now, i shall go listen to my new album while i attempt to pacify my stomach.

it has been a while.

i shall get Kings of Leon's Only By The Night album.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

tick.tock.tick.tock.

it's 10.30pm. only an hour and a half away to a brand new year.

to 2009!

i think i did it. it's coming true. my new year's resolution that i made exactly a year ago. i made it! well, almost. only less than a couple of hours away for it to truly come true. my first resolution ever to come true. unbelievable.

so before it hits 12am, here's a little list i made.

the top 10 highlights of my 2008:

10. watching the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony on tv. it was truly the most spectacular thing i've ever seen in an opening ceremony. truly.

9. jogging. i've finally started to actually jog on my own basis. finally. still slow like a tortoise, but finally.

8. hitting 20. "the big 2-0," like they said. it wasnt that much of a big deal for me, but at least now i wont be treated like a kid anymore.
okay, who am i kidding?

7. KT Tunstall live in concert. the woman is amazing. what else can i say?

6. hiding inside the toilet of the zoo for about an hour. literally.
note to self, and every other person who's stupid enough to attempt what we did: pay for tickets.

5. getting a job. no, getting paid.

4. my first wisdom tooth extraction. the stitches hurt like crap, but i got rid of that damn bugger...and it felt damn buggering goooooood.

3. graduation. ah the bittersweetness. it's still a mystery. but a highlight!

2. Singfest. definitely the best 10 hours of August. the best concert i've ever been to in my short life. worth every drop of sweat. really.

1. Australia. not the movie. the trip.
everything about it. the place, the people i met, and basically, the real experience. my first real experience. and my first flight abroad alone!

so hopefully 2009 will be an even better year for me. for you. for the world. okay, Mr Obama?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!
auld lang syne!

so...has anyone seen Mas Selamat?

walking in the winter...wiiinterrrr wonderr...land.

Merry Christmas, everyone. with love. :)

i want to be a nick carter. after christmas.

i watched Twilight today. or last night, to be exact.



it wasnt bad. but it wasnt that good either. certain parts were pretty cool, but overall, i thought it was just okay. then again, that's just my opinion. maybe all that hype earlier made me had higher expectations of it.

in all fairness to the movie, my bladder on the verge of explosion was kind of a distraction throughout. i mean, i already felt the urge to pee only 30 minutes into the movie, but i was bent on not missing any part. and the film was about 2 hours long. so, well, you can imagine. distraction. (i should check for stones.)

although... whenever Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner came on, i still couldnt help but think, "girl from Panic Room" and "Shark Boy" respectively. i wasnt thinking "Cedric Diggory" when i was watching Robert Pattinson, but i did feel like he could've used a little hair-wash in the morning.

nevertherless, i still thought that they were pretty good. yes, the young and the talented. the young and the talented who are making far more than just $7.50/hr, for sure.

anyway, i just caught MTV's TRL Finale and i loved that all the ex-VJs actually came back and attended the final episode. nostalgia! especially since Carson Daly was hosting(with Damien). it was like a high school reunion 10 years later. 10 years!

i also saw the longest lasting boyband around, the Backstreet Boys, performing the old-school piece, "I Want It That Way", and i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but they werent. Nick Carter actually looked waaaay leaner than he was a couple of years ago. in fact, he looked almost like how he was when the Backstreet Boys first came onto the scene.


(a gazillion years ago.)


(left: then. right: now.)

alright, that's it. proper diet. working out. i'm going to do it all. if Nick Carter can do it, so can i. it's time i stop being a teapot.

(although i know without a doubt, i'm cheating on christmas. shit.)

farewell, Total Request Live. and Damien Fahey.
it has been a fun ride.

the long weekend effect.

i love public holidays. especially when they fall on mondays.

it only spells, "l-o-n-g w-e-e-k-e-n-d!"

no work on monday = no monday blues.
sunday's perfect.

but it makes going back on tuesdays even harder.

and after all this typing, it's still only wednesday.

gotta attack the chocolate pudding.

what doors and guitars are for.

doors are for slamming.

and guitars are for strumming in minor chords really loudly.

that's how i deal with my frustrations.
because i dont drink.

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."
-Josh Billings

mother says the darndest things 4

at a family scrabble game.

mom: pass me the dic.

aint nothing wrong with that

imagine a song like this being played constantly on your mp3 player.



now, imagine trying really hard not to shake and clap along to the groovy beat.

the urge. the torture.

it's a good thing i sit alone at work.

holypantsonfire.

i saw something in the sky about an hour ago.

something strange. something very very strange.
i had never seen anything like that before. honest to god.

i dont know what it was. but this is the closest to what i know i saw. and it wasnt just me, because my mom was the one who made me run into the kitchen to look out the window. she spotted it first.

i am 100% sure it wasnt a plane. there were no blinking lights.
and for god's sake, it was vertical. and thin. and white.

i dont think it was a kite.
it couldnt be. not that high up. not past midnight.

i am a huge skeptic but what the hell did i see.
cant believe my mom tried to make a wish like it was some shooting star.

i hope i'm bullshitting.

the darndest things 3.

about a sharp pain in the lower left side of my abdomen.

mom: where's the appendics?
bro: the appendix is behind the report.

The Star-Spangled Banner

everyone, and i do mean EVERYONE, is talking about this. but just in case you havent heard the news because you've been living under a rock since 1995, the United States of America has a new president.

Mr. Barack Obama.

yes. yes. yes.

a change is gonna come.

dont say it doesnt concern you because let's face it- anything that concerns America concerns the rest of the world, whether we like it or not.

and honestly, Joe Biden makes a far less controversial Vice-President than Sarah Palin ever will be. it's a fact.

now i'm looking forward to the next general election in Singapore because this time, i'll get to vote. that's right, buy me over.

...although, i somehow get the feeling that i already know who wins.
and so do you.

literally serious.

2 entries ago, i wrote about "the pimple".

tonight, a friend of mine told me that that entry was a bit confusing because she wasnt quite sure what i was talking about. was it about someone? or something? it had to represent something. right?

i laughed. because she knew me too well.

except, this truly was about the pimple. a pimple.
what you get when you dont wash your face enough.

maybe i should've figured this out a long time ago, but it was only tonight that i realised that i've actually, never been a literal writer. looking back, it had always been about "apples and oranges". random words that were being used to express my feelings about something in my entries. you know. my kind of "metaphors".

which was probably why she felt that way, because indeed, the "pimple" sounded like the perfect word i would've used. and now i know. like i said, she knew me too well.

but for the record, it truly was about the pimple that grew on my face.
the pimple which i later massively attacked and destroyed in great delight.

with that being said, listening to "The Serious World" on 987FM had really kept me entertained over the past couple of weeks. the serious world is my world. it's a kind of world i would've liked to live in. a world of randomness. literally.

but they had their last show on friday because they got cancelled for some reason. perhaps some people just cant accept living in "The Serious World". everything has to, and should, make sense. maybe, for them.

not me.

stopping by.

i know i havent been blogging for a while.

honestly, i think i kinda lost the will to for a bit. and yes, i believe that work has everything to do with it. the truth of the matter is, working has deprived me from alot of things. and no, it's not going out. on the contrary, it's my time at home.

i am -and everyone who knows me to bits knows this- an extremely homely person. and my home, my room, is my sanctuary. i mean, i could die on my bed. i could. i hope to.

a long, hard day at work would mean staring at the computer for 8 hours and 45 mins. also, about 75% of my brain cells are being destroyed by the end of the day. i come home tired. with that little bit of energy. almost, but not completely, burnt. i read up on celebrities screwing their lives up. i'm not proud of that, but at least i know my life aint that bad at all. i crash on my bed. it's daytime. back to work.

but work is work. i like getting paid.

you see, i only write for one purpose. to express myself. to let things out because it always makes me feel better. it doesnt matter if anyone even reads it. i like talking to myself. and hugging my bolster. which is also why sometimes my words dont make sense. because i write as the words come to my head. they have no relation, but that's it. i am as random as it gets.

find me my will.

the pimple.

ever get the feeling sometimes where, you're in a conversation with someone, and that person seems to be talking to you, but is really talking to the pimple on your face instead?

like how they pretend to be listening to what you have to say, when in their heads, they're actually going, "if only i could just...just...oh i wanna squeeze that thing so badly." so when they nod, dont be mistaken. they're not actually agreeing with what you're saying. instead, they're nodding in approval to the image of the zit being squeezed by their own hands.

yes, something like that.

it's almost like, "oh please, no one cares about what you have to say. we'd much rather talk to that prominent landmark on your face." you know, sometimes, you wish you could say, "hellooo. eyes up here please."

but then the big-chested ladies are already using that one.

and so your mother tells you not to squeeze it or it'll leave a scar. but if you dont, that's who (or what, rather) people are going to talk to over the next few days.

the best solution? i havent figured that one out.

perhaps a brown paper bag.
that's right. subtle.

and yet another one.

apparently, suicide has become a 'trend' in south korea lately.

it's a very disturbing trend.

i cant seem to ever fathom why some people can bring themselves to end their own lives. while the dying are struggling to live, the living choose to die. it's just not fair.

perhaps they believe that it's a form of escape. maybe for them.
so what about the pain that they've brought about to the people who loved them?

suicide is nothing but an act of selfishness.
it's not escapism, it's stupidity.

it has been slightly more than a year.

give life. not give up on life.

mother says the darndest things 2

a conversation over mrs kim's stagnant weekday dinner that she makes for herself.

me: you always end up eating the same thing. rice and vegetables. just try something new! what are you, from the kampung?

(although thinking about it now, that did make sense because technically, she was.)

mom: you know i cant keep up with the times. even if you ask me to go to places like Coffeebucks to drink coffee, i wouldnt know how to order and all that.

me: of course you wouldnt know. you didnt even get the name right.

**Warning: a high dosage of laughter is expected when you live with the mother.

the mother is unintentionally deadly.

Singapore Grand Prix

dad made a decision to drive mom and i through Nicoll Highway after dinner, just to listen to the F1 cars speeding past below. you know, for a live feel of it. anyone who knew my brother, of course, would know that he was ALREADY at the race itself.

the engine sounds grew louder and louder. yes, we were almost there. it felt like a game show, where we were playing to guess where the sounds were coming from. and then we got onto Nicoll Highway, where the view of the tracks from the top was perfectly clear.

just when mom and i looked down from our side of the car, one of the cars ZOOMED past.

immediately, mom shouted, "ALONSO's car!"

and apparently, she was right(yes my mom watches soccer and F1), because the other car that looked like the renault had crashed earlier in the race.

wait, in other words... mom and i had actually both seen the winning car zoom past?

wow. talk about LUCK.

look, i'm not going to pretend that i know anything about F1 because i usually dont watch it(my brother's quite the opposite). but when i got the chance to listen to it live, and even saw one of the cars -and it was the eventual winning car, at that- drove past, boy, it felt GOOD.

there is no denying to that.

and so, lies the short phase i had with F1. it was fun while it lasted.

p.s.: congratulations to Fernando Alonso!

mother says the darndest things.

a conversation over a walnut cake.

me: this walnut cake doesnt look as good as the one i had in the office.
mom: no, you cant compare. it's a different one.
me: yeah, but by the look of it, it doesnt look as nice.
mom: cos this one is cheaper. but you cant compare them.

me: yes. the office one had more nuts.
mom: no, this one has less nuts.

bro: that's the same thing.

a little sweetness.

Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat "Lucky"- Cover


i wanna play my guitar in the bathroom too.

surgical extraction- 9 hours later.

ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch.

the needy v.s. the needy.

the needy: the need to fill up an emotional void.

the needy: the need to overcome poverty.

that's what's up.

they say that some friends come and go but family remains forever.

i dont know about the friends part, but i can safely say that family does remain forever. i mean, my poor family had to put up with my spinster crankiness over these past few days thanks to my tooth. mom's been brewing me cups and cups of herbal drinks while dad searched online to help me look for dental clinics that charged lesser. anna, of course, listened to my fed-up rantings about losing my faith in humanity, one person at a time.

unfortunately, when i'm in pain, i get pissed off with the rest of the outside world. unfortunately.

i sincerely apologise, family!

no, the tooth is still here. the good news is that it's not hurting as badly now, all thanks to the wonderful painkillers prescribed to me by the dentist i last visited. (in case you're starting to wonder... i am not a junkie.) the bad news? i've ran out of them.

it's okay. this golden tooth comes out on tuesday. and when it's out ima wrestle that thing to the ground and beat the crap out of it.

there shall be peace on earth. om.

the ache v.s. the real ache.

today was the inevitable visit to the dentist's.

everything else interesting that happened in the office today seemed to be overshadowed by the overbearring pain that i had to experience while i was at work. i've learnt to put up with pains over time but today's seemed worser than usual. to put it simply, i had urges to beat up anything that got in my way.

apparently, half of my wisdom tooth was "stuck in the gums" which was obstructing some shit. well, said the dentist. hence, there would be a need for an extraction. there we go. i thought i had been one of those lucky ones who didnt have to go through all that, but unfortunately, i've fallen into the damned 'extraction' category. it was only a matter of time.

mom mentioned words like "cut your gums", "pull it out" and "sew it back" while trying to explain to me what the surgery would be like. and then she thought that she'd attempt to send me some reassurance by telling me that anaesthesia would be used.

but here's the thing. none of that scared me. i really didnt care how they were going to take it out. none of that mattered. what really concerned me was the price of removal. the oh-so-heavenly-price.

a whopping $500.

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME! that's almost half of my month's pay.

when i pay that kind of money, i expect to GET something, not get RID of something. it's daylight robbery and i shall not stand for it. screw the tooth and the ridiculous pain, i'm keeping the money. but i've been told i have no choice.

i'll kill somebody right now. i will.

mom always said that toothaches worst kind of aches you can get. true. until you experience the heartache of departing with your hard earned cash. now tell me what hurts.

damn, i'm cranky like an old spinster living with 10 cats.

not so wise.

really. how often in a year do i have to go through this?

just HOW OFTEN?

you've been giving me trouble since you first appeared. really. do you take pleasure in bringing me pain? do you enjoy watching me suffer? is that it? what the hell is wrong with you, you sick, sick bastard?

JUST WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

curse you, wisdom tooth.

curse you.