what is this feeling?

i've just deleted an entire post that i wanted to put up.

and so, here i sit. in front of my computer. typing in the wee hours of a thursday morning. with no schedule. no deadlines. no obligations. just me and blogger.com.

just me, trying to come to terms with the fact that school is really over. no more new terms, no more new semesters. this is it. this is graduation. school is really over.

and for a known reason, i'm not exactly popping champagne.

but i'm happy for a reason. this.



which kind of reminds me of...


this.

annaballerina, you see what i'm saying now? :)

everytime i enter my kitchen in the wee hours to refill my cup of water, i would hear some scrambling noises behind the dustbin by the sink. certainly, i could always sense the shockness. the annoyance. the panic. and then, the scramble.

yes, once again, i'd ruined their little party. just when they thought that all the humans in this house had entered their dreamlands, the bitch comes out to refill her cup of water. dammit. no more block party.

stupid girl and her stupid cup of water.

i'm not up early. i just havent gone to bed yet.
broadband technology is a long, long, long, tedious subject.

dark circles? what dark circles?

i just hope i'll be able to write with paws.

i'm kinda hungry. is it time for breakfast?

a bird affair.

the birds are getting braver. without a doubt.

by the minute. by the second. as we speak.

over the past few months, birds have been flying into my kitchen to pinch food, or what they think is food, from the dustbins to the toaster, and then leaving their trademark poop all over the table and floor, as if to mock us.

yesterday, i had to dash back to my seat after seeing one of them sink its beak into my untouched mee siam. i had to get a new one (which the mee siam auntie charged 10 cents lesser after hearing my plight. bless her).

"the birds are getting braver," i told her.

"of course. they've been here for very long. they took a course also," she replied.

we have an entire park dedicated to those birds. cant they all just hang out there instead? maybe they think they're too cool for school. i cant believe i just said that.

those little, feathered punks.

you know, Catwoman had a special affliation with cats even before she became Catwoman.

i wonder...

quote of the day. and i got it on camera.

"i am going to destroy your youtube." - Mom

HAHAHAHAHA.

i honestly cant think of a title because it's 3.17am in the morning and i've just finished studying a chapter on Cryptography.

now i know why i was ranked 40th to 43rd out of the 44 students in my class for 2 years when i was in primary 5 and 6.

oh, wait. right. i got lucky one semester. i was 39th. wow, the luck of an irish!

now i know.

look what my brother gave me the other day?



he'd apparently bought it one size too small so he bought another one and gave this to me.

LOOK Y'ALL! I'VE FINALLY MADE IT TO NBS! *jumps for joy*

i guess this is about the closest to NBS i will ever get.
let a girl rejoice, please.

i hate the word "sigh".

months ago, i was counting down to the day my friend would arrive from australia.

we had many phonecalls and msn chat sessions as to what we're going to do, where we're going to go and what we're going to eat once she would arrive.

she's leaving tomorrow.

and i'd only gotten the chance to meet up with her twice the whole(short) 3 weeks she was here. twice. the whole 21 days. twice. and as you would expect, we didnt manage to do the things that we had planned to earlier, either. why? the reports. the projects. the chinese new year. damn it.

unless i head out to queensland in july, i wont get to see her until another long, friggin', long year.

she's leaving tomorrow.

this.sucks.so.bad.

and so, this is it.

no more lectures. no more tutorials. no more reports. no more projects. no more short circuit. no more designer pad. no more breadboard. no more ITCU. no more network security labs. no more applied principles of living. no more buying of mint chocolates and The Newpaper at the bookshop.

3 examinations to go and that's it. literally.
no more temasek polytechnic.

yesterday was my last day of school (before my final exams).

i know i've been looking forward to graduation.
but now i dont know what to do after this.

bittersweet-ness.

oh well. at least i can finally catch up with something i havent been doing right the entire week.

my sleep.

everything else shall be tomorrow's problems. or the day after tomorrow. or the following day. or... you know. you get the picture.

hey mama.

i've never really been a huge fan of Kanye West, except for a few of his songs, but i was particularly moved when i watched him perform this song at the 50th Grammy's.


Kanye West- "Hey Mama"

" my mama, mama, mama.
i wanna scream so loud for you
cos i'm so proud of you
let me tell you what i'm about to do, mama
i know i act a fool but, i promise you i'm goin' back to school
i appreciate what you allowed for me
i just want you to be proud of me
mama

i wanna scream so loud for you
cos i'm so proud of you
let me tell you what i'm about to do, mama
you know i love you so
i'll never let you go
i wrote this song just so you know
no matter where you go

last night i saw you in my dreams
now i cant wait to go to sleep
and this life is all a dream
so my real life starts when i go to sleep
my mama, mama, mama."

music therapy

everyone needs some good music. these are just a few of my favourites.
enjoy.


Bright Eyes- "First Day Of My Life"


Smashing Pumpkins- "1979"


The Shins- "New Slang"

be warned.

i dont know why i cant just be obsessed with something like make-up.

i know i'm going to sound extremely weird or freaky with my sudden bizarreness...

...but i'm becoming really, really, curious and fascinated(at the same time) about past life regression.

really.

today is just not my day.

on the contrary, a particular lovemuffin's having an exceptionally lucky day. it's quite amusing actually. must be the red shirt.

oh boy. reunion dinner tonight.
food, food, and more food!
i predict i'll pack on an extra of at least 2 or 3 kg by sunday.

grin.



Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.
Gong Xi Fa Cai!

thou shall not conform.

hours ago, i was stuck in a huge dilema.

university applications for poly graduates opened today and almost everyone around me(including me) entered a state of panic. what to do? where to go? what to take? how to get in?

dilema, dilema, dilema.

so i talked to my dad about it.

i realised how wise my father actually was(is). the words that came out of his mouth made so much sense. there i was, hours ago, panicking and not knowing what i should do with my education. but now i question myself, "why should i put myself in this rat race?"

the truth is, i had unknowingly put myself in a position that i used to keep a distance from- conforming to the fast-paced, kiasu, competitive environment right here in singapore. it happened so naturally. damnit.

now i'm looking at things from a much clearer point of a view. a different point of view, maybe. my father had removed the sense of hurry and panic that i had put myself through. silly me. that's right.

no more conforming.

dont rush into doing something just because everyone around is doing it.
do what's best for you.
do it your way.

save your strength for better things. like chicken rice.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength."

when down in the dumps, go to your happy place.

day-dream.
a real dream, perhaps.

some people would call my dream unrealistic and there's a higher probablity of it not coming true. well, not with my status, at least.

misconception.
dreaming doesnt hurt.

i dont lose any blood, dont lose any money, dont lose my life when i dream. so really, if it doesnt hurt, why not do it? yes, call it impractical and a waste of time. "it's never going to happen," you say.

true enough. perhaps it will, perhaps never.
but it makes me happy just thinking about it. i'm there- at my happy place. even if it lasts for only 5 minutes. happy place.

life would be pretty tragic if you cant even afford to dream, i expect.

a passport, a backpack, an air ticket, a video camera.

i'm good to go. to my happy place.