she quotes:

"There are two ways to alter difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them." - Phyllis Bottome

at age 20, you've lived 2 decades of your life pretty comfortably. you didnt have it all, but you had it all. i know. same words.

granted, over the years, a few things got you down. particularly one thing. so who would've thought that the one thing that made you feel incapable over the years would be the one thing that you would be fighting so hard for? there. the unpredictability of life. pretty amazing.

recently, you had a long heart-to-heart talk with yourself.
you had to make yourself understand.

you've made too many considerations. you were always considering what the whole world would feel but you would forget to think about how you would feel. then come the nights where you're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night because, despite how sleepy and tired you were, you couldnt go to sleep.

now, you understand that the only one thing you can do is to maintain positive. after all, a little bit of positivity goes a long way. and you shall attempt to do so.

you're not 100% there yet, in terms of accepting the reality. the circumstances. but you know that it's a fact, so accept it or not, that's what's going on. and you will accept it.

besides, if there's a will, there's a way.
and if that's labelled as a cliched phrase, it is only because many people have said it at least once in their lives, which also means that many people have been through times in their lives where they had to use it. see? you are not alone.

so here's what i say.
you'll get what you want. because you want it. it might take you a while. so let it. there will be no white flag.

listen to yourself. you know what you're saying.
trust me.