star king

5 more days to korea.

i should really start packing.

okay, maybe tomorrow.

splurge.

i spent a total of $1168.90 on gadgets in 2 days.

anyone who knows me knows that i'm not a gadget person. talk to me about the latest gadget models and i'll stare at you blankly like a goldfish with one lazy eye. heck, i didnt even know what model my mobile phone was when i first got it. actually, i'm still not very sure what model it is. nokia 6500...slide? uh, yeah, i think so.

but anyway, seeing that my original budget for a laptop(which was neccessary) was 1.2k, getting 3 gadgets for under that amount seems to be pretty damn worth it.

let's just hope they actually last under my hands.

we were warned.

i just caught this movie:



(if you're intending to watch it, you might wanna skip the next part.)

21.12.2012. the day the world comes to an end.
or not?

do i believe it?

looking at what's going on in the world right now, with natural disasters and pandemics wiping out states and countries across the world, i see every possibility that it might just happen. i just dont think that it will all happen in one day. maybe over time, in years, one by one. the effects of global warming, perhaps.

maybe.

well, whether you believe it or not, this is the conclusion that i came up with after watching the show.

a list of things to do to survive the end of the world:

1) learn to drive. beats running for your life.
2) learn to fly a plane. but let another pilot fly it so that you can escape while he's trying to land the plane.
3) befriend a pilot.
4) learn to swim. helps if you can hold your breath underwater for an exceptionally long time.
5) own 1 billion euros.
6) go to china.
7) marry john cusack.

actually, if you just do number 7, you're pretty much covered.

a new beginning...maybe?

with a new home, i figured that it was time for a new layout.
hence.

life in the new home. i want to say that i've gotten used to it, but i dont think i fully have, so i guess the word to use is "getting" and not "gotten".

the house is alright, except for the toilets, which i'm not so crazy about.

i'm pretty satisfied with my new room. i mean, seriously, if you'd seen what the colours on the walls looked like before we re-painted it, you'd understand. sure, the room's smaller than the one i had previously, but somehow it's feels cosier, and y'all know how i like to youtube in the middle of the night, so cosiness is a plus.

okay, no link. that last sentence only just tells you what a geek i am.

speaking of youtube, guess who's going to south korea this december? okay, so maybe you're probably wondering what youtube has to do with that. well, let's just say cra-zee variety programmes with english subs. :)

i know, english subs are the best.

on a side note, however, s.korea recently declared red alert against the H1N1 virus. yes, it's not exactly the brightest thing you'd wanna hear after paying almost 1.2k to the travel agent a few weeks before that. yikes, is the word. i truly hope it gets better by december. pray, pray, pray!

stupid swine flu.
and stupid ganglion cyst that came back. what did my pinky ever do to YOU, dammit?

moving on to brighter(darker?) things. i'm finally going back to school next february.

honestly, i was excited beforehand, but now i think i'm more nervous than anything else. i mean, it's been a year and a half since i last went to school. i guess i might've forgotten what it feels like to be studying for something. oops?

here we go again.

SO LONG. WEIRD CREEPY GUY!

it's 1.33am. i'm looking at my room and realising how it's actually quite big.

my bookshelf's gone, and so is the little cupboard beside my bed.

it's beginning to look empty.

packing's been a chore, but someone told me that unpacking's gonna be an even bigger pain in the butt. i think i believe her. especially after seeing how much junk i actually own. i wish myself luck.

tonight is the second last night that i'll spend in this room that i've slept in for 13 years and in this house that i've lived in for 21. about half a year ago, we put our house up for sale. to be honest, i had secretly hoped that there wasnt going to be any buyer. but i knew we had to sell it. 3 months ago, someone finally bought it. i then secretly hoped that we wouldnt be able to find another place that quickly. yes, i was secretly selfish.

less than 2 weeks ago, we got the keys to our new rented place.

and this place? my precious sanctuary. my hideout. my boudoir. it's just going to be a place filled with 21 years worth of memories. okay, maybe 16 years, since i cannot remember anything much from the first 5 years.

the day is finally coming. wow, it is real.

boy, am i going to miss this place like crazy.

but SO LONG, WCG!

back for now. packed for now.

what a change. what a month.

i am finally moving out this weekend.

first and foremost, i would really like to apologise to everyone who's had to listen to me whine incessantly about moving. i'm really sorry, you guys.

so i'm not a very pleasant mover as you can tell. especially since it wasnt my choice. not the home that i've spent my entire life in. but when life throws you a curve ball, there's nothing much that you can do, except to accept it.

okay, i guess i've come to terms with it. i have FINALLY started to pack. seriously though, how do you pack 21 years of stuff in a couple of weeks? no, how do you pack 21 years of stuff at all?

the new home.

i gotta admit, it's looking slightly more pleasant than before. painting really does wonders. more importantly, i've finally found the one thing that i actually like about my new room.

the little window at the top corner of the wall.

it took me a while to scrape off half of what the previous tenant left behind on the window pane (some sticky paper thingy to block out the sunlight). the other half is pretty much too stubborn to be removed. but i'll make do. just as long as i can see the sky and clouds (and not what the person living opposite is doing) when i sit on my bed. yes, i shall call it my "little sky window". very creative, i know.

so much more to pack.

if i put my key under the pillow when i sleep tonight, is there a moving pixie of some sort that will appear?

the darndest things

talking about the nails on my big toes which are strangely slanted.

mom: your toes are exactly like your father's. not mine, your father's. your brother's toes look like mine, but not yours. you're just like your father.

me: well, at least that means i'm not adopted... right?

c'est la vie

annabella ballerina's leaving for france tonight. :(

see you in 2010, babe. :)

(okay, see you tonight. and then again in 2010.)

excuse my french.

argh. frustrations.

just where did we go wrong?
when did it end up like this?

this pressure. this invisible pressure.
this head. this expanding head.
these shoulders. these heavy shoulders.

i'm sorry, but what the fuck.

i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.
i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

day three.

okay, i know i said i'd do this. take this break. a short one. after all, i spent the whole of last year slogging at work while receiving a temp worker's pay. yes, as i would say, i spent the year being Chandler Bing.

but it's barely day 3 into the start of my break and i'm already feeling the complete uselessness of someone not earning anything.

good god, i'm a 40-year-old trapped in a 21-year-old's body.

no more brown.

officially jobless.

Life.

"i want you to be smiling when i see you."
that's what he said to me the last time we spoke on the phone.

rest in peace, Uncle Colin.

jammin' my troubles away

it is a strange feeling, seeing how anna's leaving for france in a couple of months and i'm moving out of here in a few. it almost feels like, according to her, the last episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (i said "Days Of Our Lives" but okay, i'm old).

on a good note, we just ended an impromptu jam session. :)
old-school(from our generation of course) and plenty of fun.
reminiscence!

i'm tired and i have callouses on the fingers on my left hand. but it's all good.
i should probably take a shower right about now.

trouble schmouble.

moving because you want a change of environment and moving because you need the money are two completely different things. belonging to the latter is not so easy.

helps to have a brother around sometimes.
oh, the classic line.

kimchi.

it feels like it has been a while. and i have a little confession to make.

recently, i've become hooked onto something. something that i never thought i would be hooked onto. something that i never believed would be an addiction.

korean variety programmes.

so okay, not the sappy dramas. the variety shows.
still.

i dont think i've ever relied on subtitles so much in my life.

and i never thought i would be laughing so hard at programmes produced by the same people who would write stories about a rich man falling in love with a poor woman who probably has some childhood friend who has been secretly in love with her since he was 5. (yes, try saying that in one breath.) oh and he probably has some form of cancer too.

so hard that there were times my stomach begged me to stop. "geu man hae," it said.

shite.

i blame the disappearance of The Office.

ok but wait, this honestly is one of the coolest acts i've ever seen.


very, very creative.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE, YOU COME BACK NOW.

scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?

this news caught my attention today.

"Lambert may sing with Queen"

say what?

like how Nirvana and The Beatles have never replaced Kurt Cobain and John Lennon, Queen should never replace Freddie Mercury.

thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!

hot hot heat.

oh, the HUMIDITY.

was last may this hot and humid? i dont recall.
maybe it was.
that's right. melting ice caps, dammit.

come to think of it, it'd be stranger if we started to snow right now.

but look, i dont care.
SNOW, singapore. SNOW!!!

okay, rain!

(why do i have the sudden urge to go, "EARTH! FIRE! WIND! WATER! HEART!")

"dear Uncle C."

something's been bugging me over the past few days. it's this email that i've been meaning to write. the email. i just havent been able to actually write it out because...i dont really know how or where to begin.

sitting in front of the computer, opening up my hotmail, clicking "new" and staring into the empty space on screen. i've done that a couple of times.

what do you say to someone who's been given only up to this christmas to live?

so many things. yet, i cant seem to be able to put them in words.
somehow.

the chorus.

i may have been 5 years late, but i probably wouldnt have appreciated this film as much 5 years ago.



i loved it.
je l'aime.

ice.

i was in the middle of my Nong-Shim-korean-cup-noodle-session when a bunch of strangers and a property agent walked into my house.

these strangers then explored around the house, which also included venturing into my boudoir, all that while i slurped my noodles at the dining table.

did it feel weird having three strange men and a woman walk into my bedroom at 8.30pm on a saturday night? yes.

no words were exchanged between me and them. not even eye contact.

because no one interrupts me during my cup-noodle session.
especially if you're a stranger.

rebelling? repelling.

everyone identifies with sarcasm. i identify with it the most.

i've been typing and backspacing, typing and backspacing here for the last three minutes. it seems to have just hit me that blogging doesnt help like it did before anymore. i used to be able to express myself much more freely here in the past. yes. in the past.

why am i backspacing so much? i am backspacing alot.
there, i just did it again.

a stream of bad news just flowed in like the yellow river. i hadhave a million thoughts, but i cant bring myself to write it out or talk about it. i wonder. maybe i'm just lazy? a part of me doesnt want to because i'm tired of repeating the same thing i've just heard. i'm tired of re-thinking about it. it's all shiteous anyway. i dont know what the other part is.

oh look, apparently, i'm still thinking about it because i just mentioned it. just what i wanted. yay.

dammit. i need to blast some music and quit talking to myself in my head. stop talking to yourself in your head, you crazy bitch.

not central park, but.

people say that going for a run helps you clear your mind of things and generally tends to lift your spirits after that.

it really does. :)

useless desires

"Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this

I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires"

- Patty Griffin

music therapy works.

happy thoughts.

i need a boxing bag.
and boxing gloves.
and extra protection for my swollen finger.

the ganglion cyst

at the hospital, where one of the doctors was comparing my swelled left pinky with the one on the right.

doctor: "hmmm. should be a ganglion."

*checks further*

doctor: "mmm. chubby fingers, huh?"
me: "yeah. fat kid."

quote of the day:

"talk to my elite, uncaring face."

- Marcus "Markiepoo" Tan

like cotton candy.

everybody, now!

awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

would you capture it, or let it slip?

finally.

a light at the end of the, not dark, but dimly lit tunnel. the closed doors are finally opening. i hope this is it. i hope it is time.

an opportunity. wow.

let it all fall into place nicely. please.

*crosses fingers*

okay, big man?

that was when she ruled the world.

a big, big, big congratulations to my dearest, whackiest, dorkiest, happiest, maybe-we're-twins-iest, (used-to-be)joined-at-the-hip-est cousin, annabella ballerina, for making it to the Essec Business School in France!



CONGRATULATIONS honey!

she finally made it. :)

and just in case you're reading this babe, i am soooo jealous. hmpf.

who's going to go to gigs with me now, huh? who? who?

alright, i kid, i kid. this girl really deserves this. and i truly believe that she'll make the best out of it. i'm the proud cousin! :)

no, but seriously, who's going to go with me to gigs now? anyone?

p.s.: jason mraz was truly da bomb diggity.

20909- Nokia 5800 "Comes With Music" Launch Party

okay. i woke up at 6.30am, left home at 7.20am, and i just got back not too long ago. i'm really tired, i havent showered, and my throat is sore. my cough, of course, is still here. i cant even tell if it's getting better or worse anymore.

despite all that, i still had to blog about this.

the all american rejects(truly one of my all-time favourite bands around) was awesome. Tyson sounded fantastic live, although i've already figured out that he would way before they even came. he did seem pretty kooky(and so did a couple of strange dudes standing around us), maybe it's the Tiger. but still fantastic. it's a huge pity they only performed six songs though. six. damn.

okay, so i'm reminded that it wasnt their own concert or anything(oh pish posh), but they were so good i just felt like i didnt have enough. and what happened to the encore? guys?

nevertheless, it was good, good fun.

it's amazing how last minute decisions work out nicely. how very, very last minute.

disturbia

James Patterson is back in my life.

it has been a while, but he has finally returned.



let the mind-games begin.

dear pops.

papa,

the time will come where you wont have to make such sacrifices anymore.

i promise.

good night.

sigh.

i hate the usage of this word alot.

especially in text.

the good and the bad "sigh".

sigh.

the catcher.

events this week.

caught Fall Out Boy at the Indoor Stadium.

caught The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

caught the fever.

band of -insertword-

sometimes his behaviour and actions make me want to throw myself off a bridge.

how many times do i have to put up with it?
he's lucky i love him.
plus i'm getting too old to be getting into fights.

of course, i'll tie a rope to myself when i jump because i'm not so stupid as to end my life over this. over anything.

it'll just be like a bungee jump.
i havent done that before.

this is embarrassing.

i'm sooo tired my brains have gone into bimbotic mode. so let me apologise first. i'm sorry.

so i was reading the papers today, and i saw this report on what's to be "the most acidic row to hit the fashion world in 15 years", a.k.a. "Trousergate".

like the name says, it all started because of a certain design of a pair of trousers.

apparently, the old designer guy from Armani, Giorgio, is now accusing Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana of copying his quilted trousers design that he did last season and putting that design on their runway show last week. or something.

hence the oh-no-you-did-nt bitchfight.

what started the row.

left: Armani's runway show last fall.
right: D&G's runway show last sunday.

okay. so they do look similar.
but honestly, i really dont know why they're having a row for.

both designs are hideous.

i dont know about you, but i, for one, wouldnt spend hundreds of dollars on oven mittens.

burn!

no truth to that.

i cant actually figure out if it's my colleagues who are funny, or me who's the funny one, but we're laughing way too much at work.

it's outrageous.

and it works for me.
it keeps my mind off serious things i dont want to think about.

see, there are people you laugh at, and there are people you laugh with. and then there are those that make you laugh. and those you make laugh.

with these people? it's like we're drunk everyday at work.

i like working with funny people.

it really is that little bit of insanity that keeps us sane for the day.

ironic, but it works for me.

vent.

i dont want to be one of those people.

am i lying to myself?

yes, i'm jealous.

okay get over it.

she quotes:

"There are two ways to alter difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them." - Phyllis Bottome

at age 20, you've lived 2 decades of your life pretty comfortably. you didnt have it all, but you had it all. i know. same words.

granted, over the years, a few things got you down. particularly one thing. so who would've thought that the one thing that made you feel incapable over the years would be the one thing that you would be fighting so hard for? there. the unpredictability of life. pretty amazing.

recently, you had a long heart-to-heart talk with yourself.
you had to make yourself understand.

you've made too many considerations. you were always considering what the whole world would feel but you would forget to think about how you would feel. then come the nights where you're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night because, despite how sleepy and tired you were, you couldnt go to sleep.

now, you understand that the only one thing you can do is to maintain positive. after all, a little bit of positivity goes a long way. and you shall attempt to do so.

you're not 100% there yet, in terms of accepting the reality. the circumstances. but you know that it's a fact, so accept it or not, that's what's going on. and you will accept it.

besides, if there's a will, there's a way.
and if that's labelled as a cliched phrase, it is only because many people have said it at least once in their lives, which also means that many people have been through times in their lives where they had to use it. see? you are not alone.

so here's what i say.
you'll get what you want. because you want it. it might take you a while. so let it. there will be no white flag.

listen to yourself. you know what you're saying.
trust me.

Criminal Minds: Lo-Fi

oh my goshhhhh.



i swear my heart skipped a beat.
who on earth died?

damn season finale.

giving up something for the week.

day 6 without milo.

no vest with an 's' on my chest.

worst period cramps ever.

i've never had the case of 'getting mad at everyone' and stuff, but cramps are my killer. i've had bad cramps in the past, but yesterday's cramps won hands down. i've never felt so tortured in my life. i swear. not even with that wisdom toothache. the stomach cramps were painful, but it was the effing cramping of my limbs that was unbearable.

seriously. all four limbs. at the same time. is that even normal?

but i really, really do thank anna for coming up and trying to help me out before my mom came back. i was so sorry that she had to see me looking like Gollum. and that i probably freaked her out. especially since we were just having tim tams about an hour before that. but i freaked out myself.

my future boyfriend is screwed.
let me apologise first.

but anyway, thank you so much babe, you really did help. :)

being a woman really does stink at times. really.

i never, ever, want to experience that kind of pain ever again in my life. NEVER. ever. not for the next million years, no.

on to brighter things, i got my Kings of Leon album today. that quick huh? actually, it was more of a belated gift by Britters, who's about to enlist in a day's time. finally. free training okay, mate? i think he'll be just fine.

now, i shall go listen to my new album while i attempt to pacify my stomach.

it has been a while.

i shall get Kings of Leon's Only By The Night album.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.