9 Sep 2011: Where you lead, I will follow.

losing a loved one. how does one cope with that?

having attended two funeral wakes within these past two months have shown me how scary cancer can be. but do you know what is scarier than cancer? losing your mother to it.

i cant even begin to imagine the pain of losing a mother. my mother and i... we're close. i mean, really close. i tell her everything. well, mostly everything. she knows the names of my friends. she knows what goes on in my life most of the time. she even knows when i'm having my period. in fact, i talk to her so much that she sometimes has to shut me up because she cannot hear what the people on TV are saying.

so we dont say "i love you", or hug and kiss each other. but that's just the way our family rolls. i used to stand on my bed and kiss my mother on the cheeks every night while she tucked my t-shirt in to prepare me for bed. i used to kiss her and say, "goodnight, mommy," before she tucked me in. but as i outgrew my bed, and outgrew my pjs, i outgrew the habit of kissing her on the cheeks too.

but that didnt change anything. i still say my goodnights. perhaps without the "mommy" at the back, and with a little punchline or two right before that. sure, i make fun of her once in a while...okay, more than once in a while. and of course, i sometimes play the extra mean card by watching the next episode of some korean drama without her(because she needs to sleep as much as she wants to watch it) and telling her that i am going to do that while she's lying on her bed, ready to go to sleep. and we're not exactly Lorelai and Rory (age gap and talking speed wise). but we're still really close. and i think the older i get, the closer we become as well.

a mother is a girl's best friend. i mean, there's also the daddy's-little-girl concept. but my mother is my best friend. and i cant begin to imagine how it would feel if i were to lose her. even at 23. even if i'm 33. or 43. or 53.

with all that said, we all know that life is unpredictable. death, on the other hand, sometimes is. even so, the pain of having to deal with it is still hard to bear. i just hope that the people who had to go through that would find that bit of strength in their lives to carry on. i really really do. i guess we really have to appreciate the people we love while they are still around.

and if my mother happens to come across this for some reason one day:
mommy, i love you. :)

also, i'm going to watch episode 27 so, HA-HA.

30 Jun 2011: it's been a while. a long while.

to my dear stalker/neighbor/bandmate/in-law/friend/bitch-friend/fellow-POSS,



bon voyage. :)
you will be missed.

come back an aussie snob, and you're a dead man. :)

20 Apr 2011: All the Stars and Boulevards

i'm leaving for Oklahoma in 10 days.



yet somehow, i'm not as excited as i should be. or as i thought i would be. to be honest, i don't think i'm even the least bit excited at all. and that's really strange.

some friends have started to countdown. some have started to pack. some are just plain excited. me? i think the most excited i felt over the past week was when i finally caught up with the rest of the world on Season 2 of Glee.

don't get me wrong. i've always wanted to go to the States (as we know from a certain green past). and this trip would be my very first trip there. in fact, this 3-week residency in Oklahoma was one of the reasons why i selected this course in the first place. and i'll finally get to go to LA. sunset strip, hollywood boulevard, disneyland...

...so why am i not feeling the excitement yet?

1 Apr 2011: Invented

it is april fool's day.

but today is a day that is way more meaningful than that.
not that april fool's day is meaningful at all. IT IS NOT.

today is the day that Jimmy Eat World performs live in Singapore. for the very first time.

but no, i am not going.

unfortunately, that is not an april fool's joke. unfortunately for me, that is.

so i've been trying to avoid all signs and posters that have been promoting this concert for the past couple of weeks. but facebook, oh, doggone facebook, keeps reminding me that there is an EVENT going on this week. yes, i clicked "maybe attending" back then. oh, harboring hopes like a fool, i was. believing in fairies even though i know they don't exist.

i haven't changed my RSVP status to "not attending". and i shall not...like that is going to change anything.

as i was typing this, i was reading the event page as well, and i just found out that the concert is going to be...three hours long. three hours. excuse me while i attempt to laugh this off nonchalantly.

at 8pm tonight, i am going to blast J.E.W. on my computer. this is as close as i can get.

if my mother comes in, i am going to get her to mosh next to me.

27 Feb 2011: note to self.

stop it, seige. you made a resolution.

stop it.

24 Feb 2011: The Panic Room

i have a problem. i panic easily.

i'm not talking about the kind of panic you feel at the last minute when you realised that you had forgotten to do something that was due in two days (you asked for it), or the kind you feel when you realised that you might have forgotten to turn the stove off before going out(yeah you should probably panic), but the kind you feel when a whole chunk of information is suddenly being thrown in your face and you suddenly feel overwhelmed. yes, that kind of panic.

i always tell people to try to take it easy whenever something happens (and i sincerely mean it when i tell them that), but i've never been able to tell myself to do so before i switch to panic mode. i know i'm not a perfectionist for sure, but whenever something crops up, it's a million thoughts interlinking in my head straightaway; starting from the "oh shits" to the "what ifs", and ending with a curse at the situation. no, not an expecto patronum curse, but a cuss that rhymes with "no duck". how uncalled for.

now i've heard that panicking may be a good thing sometimes because it pushes you to start doing whatever you need to do that will solve the problem. but over-panicking can be a big pain in the arse head sometimes, because then you start piling on the unneccessary stress that you know you can prevent. make that most of the time.

maybe it's just me. maybe i like being comfortable too much.

i refuse to be that weak.

afterall, coldplay says, "we live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do."

3 Feb 2011: Gong Xi Fa Cai

happy lunar new year, everybody. :)

1 Feb 2011: dyed and gone to hairven

ever felt sheepishly guilty when your hairdresser asked you if you had dyed your hair by yourself before and the answer was a "yes"?

i have.

23 Jan 2011: perhaps.

we're less than two weeks away from the chinese new year. how fast did time have to pass for it to be less than two weeks away? wow. even though i forsee it to be another boring one(like the past couple of years), i'm still excited. for bak kwa at least. it's not chinese new year if there isn't barbequed pork, really. no, really. i'm serious. really. as serious as the dark knight.



this also means that i'm 3 months away from Oklahoma. WOAH. three months. and i have yet to settle the tickets and the accommodation in LA. what if i end up sleeping on the streets? do you need a license to busk in LA?

maybe i should really go try to pick up some chinese martial arts right now so that i can perform for food when i'm there. let's face it. no one wants to see an asian girl singing on the boulevard in Hollywood, especially when the girl cannot sing. but hey, if i can master the shadowless kick, the drunken fist, or maybe some wing chun, there's a possibility that i might make enough for a Quiznos sub. hmm.

12 Jan 2011: what.the.fortunecookie

i always try to make it a point to never blog when i'm mad, but most of the time, it never works. so yes, i am mad. mad pissed. because of this:

http://www.brandchannel.com/home/post/2011/01/10/Google-Forces-Youtube-Account-Linking.aspx

yes, i am one of those who got logged out of youtube, and i cannot log back in now. what's worse is that i cannot even access the homepage of it because, hey, "Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage". whoop dee doo.

ohhhh yes. that's right. just about everyone who knows me knows how often i youtube. they don't call me the youtube ambassador for nothing. and this ambassador is P.O. so yes, those veins you see popping out of my neck? and the slight green color that seems to be appearing on my face? do not be alarmed. this happens to me when i morph into the she-hulk. it has happened before. i promise i won't do anybody any harm. if i do, maybe somebody can film me and upload the video onto youtube. it's not like i can watch it anyway since i can't log into it now. *bangs head on table*

so i searched online to find out what on mothernature's earth was going on and apparently, i wasn't the only one who was dealing with this. a whole bunch of people were. and boy, were those people mad.

and then it hit me. it suddenly hit me. something was funny about this situation.

that a whole bunch of people from all over the world were getting pissed off because they we can't log into youtube. wow. just how much have we been relying on youtube, that we're getting super mad at the situation? it's not even our email accounts that got locked. can't we all just...ignore this and go out for a jog or something?

well, yeah, i guess we could. but you wouldn't understand. unless you have a dog. because while this is not like an end-of-the-world situation, it's kinda like a your-dog-got-kidnapped situation. so unless you have a dog, you don't know how this feels. because my "dog" just got kidnapped.

and on top of that, this giant pimple on my chin seems to be indestructible. i kid you not. i've thrown on huge amounts of pimple cream for days but it hasn't subsided one bit. it's like i'll wake up tomorrow and discover a bunch of little people living on it. what's more, another one seems to be ready to pop out beside it. what am i? 15?! stop popping out already.

now RETURN ME MY DOG, dammit!

3 Jan 2011: Rain.

dark clouds. heavy raindrops. slippery roads.


what a wet, wet day.

but i loved it.

i loved it because i was nice and dry in my own bedroom, and i could watch the rain fall outside without having to look into a neighbor's kitchen window at the same time.



i love a rainy day...only when i'm at home.

of course, it would've been much better if i wasn't working on a political paper, and was watching cartoons instead. or maybe Tweenies.



i don't know why the Tweenies. i dont even remember any of their names. rain just reminds me of them. (yes, they're multi-colored, but they are not the teletubbies.)

or maybe Bananas in Pyjamas.


"Are you thinking what i'm thinking, B1?"

oh well, if only.