Lifeboat

i dont know where to start. alot of things to be done recently and i cant help but wonder how much longer i can take this shit. i dont know.

i feel like there's so many things going on and i'm struggling to catch up. i dont seem to be that far behind, and yet i feel like there's a long road in front of me and people are all the way at the other end. there's no car for me. no bicycle. just my two feet. the subjects are getting harder to understand and the more we learn, the further i am behind...

and then the groupwork. there are four of us in a group for the IFCPROJ. Four. but it wasnt until i really sat down and thought about it, that i kinda realised that...i'm doing most of the work? it started off with me just copying down some pointers the teacher gave us. and then my leader started telling me to copy down everything. but that's alright. i mean, i could be the "copier" right? but then last week when our teacher reminded us to get ready our group file that would be inspected, she told me, "swee hoon, today must go buy the file. then go print out the stuffs. can find in the ole website k?"

does that mean....i'm supposed to do it? so i looked for the company, copied down everything, and have to get the file ready? ok, it might seem as though it's just these few things and not much of a big deal. but here's the thing. we're not even officially started on our project. and i'm doing everything already. yeah, this is everything for now. One's telling me to do all these stuffs, and the other two's not that involved yet. so y do i feel like i'm starting to stress out over this already? i mean, they're all my closest friends in class. am i being taken for granted, or am i just plain paranoid?

and then there's the other project on hand where we had to work in pairs. nothing wrong with my partner. except, he doesnt really like to talk much. so i dont know what he wants. every reply he gave me was," *shrugs* anything lor. u decide." and we hardly talk. i have to keep asking the questions if i ever want to get anything out of him. i'm tired.

recently, people around me started telling me that i look stressed these days. this is wrong. i'm not supposed to be like this. i was never this way. before, whenever i knew that i had alot of things to do, i could usually just give a "heck care" attitude to it and be like, "tomorrow's problems, tomorrow's worries." but now, when i think of all the work that have to done next week, it worries me. it just keeps on adding to my worries. i just keep thinking about it.

thinking

and

thinking

and

thinking

and

thinking

...

i dont know what's wrong with me. i want to talk about it, but at the same time... i dont. i just want to be alone. (i am so heading to the airport on friday)

lost.