i have to stay back everyday to work on my java project. and at the end of the day, it always seems like nothing much was achieved. i dont think i'm entirely clueless of what to do next, but i think i just dont know how to continue writing them out. i mean...cant we just play the real "mastermind" game, dammit?
honestly, it sounds kinda ridiculous and wrong to still be questioning if what i'm taking now is the right one for me. and no, it doesnt seem right. it wasnt, and it's supposed to be now, but it's still not. i know i have to be sure, at the very least. i mean, i'm already in my 2nd year. i'm turning 18.
the thing is, right up to this very moment as i'm typing, i'm still questioning myself. would things be less easy if i had actually gone into something that i had real passion for? not neccessarily. but would it feel this miserable? to have to question myself everyday on this path that i've taken? definitely not. it wasnt a path that i've chosen. not technically. but i've taken it. i took it. have i, perhaps, set foot on the wrong route? yes, perhaps.
but i want to make this route right. i seriously do. guidance. that's what i want. someone who seriously knows this thing. someone who seriously knows, understands and appreciates what infocomms is all about. just that someone. this uneccessary stress would've been avoidable if i had just been a little smarter.i shouldnt have allowed myself to take up something i had little interest in(though i had little choice), but now that i've taken it, i dont want to regret it. i hate regretting. i hate regretting.
clueless? maybe. a lost sheep? perhaps.
this is wasting my brain cells.
...i just want to draw.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Life As I Know It part 2
i've been explained to about why certain things happened and now i understand. it doesn't make me guilty about the way i reacted, but it makes me sorry that you felt that way for that to happen. i guess i knew it somewhere inside of me, but to have you try to explain it to me, i knew it was tough. i do know. deep inside, i do.
all's good now.
i've been having weird and extreme dreams(or nightmares) for the past few weeks and there's no real explanation for them, but they're pretty disturbing ones. let's just say they involved murder, and suicides, right before my eyes. and they were all dreams of separate nights. i've told anna about them and she thinks i need more chocolates. haha. maybe?
but that dream interpreter thing. i think it got me into digging further down inside my feelings, to parts that i've never thought about before, and parts that i have, and it is, well, i'm not sure..might...somehow, perhaps...be true? freaky.
all's good now.
i've been having weird and extreme dreams(or nightmares) for the past few weeks and there's no real explanation for them, but they're pretty disturbing ones. let's just say they involved murder, and suicides, right before my eyes. and they were all dreams of separate nights. i've told anna about them and she thinks i need more chocolates. haha. maybe?
but that dream interpreter thing. i think it got me into digging further down inside my feelings, to parts that i've never thought about before, and parts that i have, and it is, well, i'm not sure..might...somehow, perhaps...be true? freaky.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Life As I Know It
i think you have no idea how unsupportive you get sometimes, and you have no idea how to show your love to someone the way it's supposed to be.
just when i wanted to blog about something funny that happened yesterday. thanks alot.
just in case you were wondering, yes, i slammed the door behind me. i did kick the table, i did slam my stool on my bed, and i did punch my hand on the cupboard.
"violent frustration
he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness
and all that he was is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He's alone
He feels like
I feel
Then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
then he yelled, then he yelled
and he takes his life"
-Poetic Tragedy by The Used
i'm not suicidal. but i played this song over and over.
just when i wanted to blog about something funny that happened yesterday. thanks alot.
just in case you were wondering, yes, i slammed the door behind me. i did kick the table, i did slam my stool on my bed, and i did punch my hand on the cupboard.
"violent frustration
he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness
and all that he was is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He's alone
He feels like
I feel
Then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
then he yelled, then he yelled
and he takes his life"
-Poetic Tragedy by The Used
i'm not suicidal. but i played this song over and over.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
An Earful
i dont know what it is, but this year seems to be a really unlucky one for me. especially recently. bad things just seems to happen to me, one after another.
take the past 3 months. i had fallen real ill twice within 2 months(which didnt use to happen), my previous thumbdrive was suddenly unrecognized by the computer(which meant that everything i had inside was gone), the other thumbdrive i used suddenly became corrupted and stuffs became so jumbled up. i had to redo my java twice. and we know how much i hate just even doing it once. plus there're other issues going on(issues). and to add to my series of unfortunate events,my right ear is still blocked. still! i cant believe it. it's been 5 bloody days already. 5 whole bloody days. the medicine's not taking any effect yet. give me a break. unblock yourself, dammit! UNBLOCK NOW!
i said, UNBLOCK NOW! u bloody thing.
peeling the skin off 100 potatoes? i think i've got another 200 onions to chop as well. TSK. TSK.
of course, the recent tsunami victims have it much worse and i sympathize with them. i know that i should feel lucky that i have a home and a life already. but living my life as it is now, i just have to rant. i'm sorry.
take the past 3 months. i had fallen real ill twice within 2 months(which didnt use to happen), my previous thumbdrive was suddenly unrecognized by the computer(which meant that everything i had inside was gone), the other thumbdrive i used suddenly became corrupted and stuffs became so jumbled up. i had to redo my java twice. and we know how much i hate just even doing it once. plus there're other issues going on(issues). and to add to my series of unfortunate events,my right ear is still blocked. still! i cant believe it. it's been 5 bloody days already. 5 whole bloody days. the medicine's not taking any effect yet. give me a break. unblock yourself, dammit! UNBLOCK NOW!
i said, UNBLOCK NOW! u bloody thing.
peeling the skin off 100 potatoes? i think i've got another 200 onions to chop as well. TSK. TSK.
of course, the recent tsunami victims have it much worse and i sympathize with them. i know that i should feel lucky that i have a home and a life already. but living my life as it is now, i just have to rant. i'm sorry.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
What A Bomb
i know it's a little late and all but...
...i cant believe we actually discovered a bomb at the construction site in toa payoh! when my mother first told me what she heard, i didnt believe her because it wasnt the first few headlines of the news that night. and then i saw the news. there was a bomb.
funny enough, the first thought that came to my mind was "it's probably from World War 2," since toa payoh's one of the older areas in singapore but my mom was all worried that it might be another terrorist attempt. i dont know why i never thought of that at first, but it turned out that i was right. and from that, let me just say this:
wooooaaaaaaah. a bloody bomb! an actual bomb from world war 2 that could've gone off anytime! WOAH! maybe we could've done something else instead of setting it off at the open area. we've could've like...mailed it back to japan or something, for memorance. and on the box it'll say, "Hey guys! remember this?" now that would've been pretty cool.
...okay letting it explode was definitely the best way.
nothing about me that i can talk about because my life has basically become as boring as sitting on a stool peeling the skin off 100 potatoes. yes. when it's project period, that's how it goes. *yawn* except though, my right ear has been blocked for 2 days. the kind where sometimes you blow your nose too hard and the inside of your ear gets blocked. only i havent had flu. it just suddenly became blocked. so i'm looking for remedies. anybody knows a way to unblock it?
boy, my life's such a bomb. pun intended.
...i cant believe we actually discovered a bomb at the construction site in toa payoh! when my mother first told me what she heard, i didnt believe her because it wasnt the first few headlines of the news that night. and then i saw the news. there was a bomb.
funny enough, the first thought that came to my mind was "it's probably from World War 2," since toa payoh's one of the older areas in singapore but my mom was all worried that it might be another terrorist attempt. i dont know why i never thought of that at first, but it turned out that i was right. and from that, let me just say this:
wooooaaaaaaah. a bloody bomb! an actual bomb from world war 2 that could've gone off anytime! WOAH! maybe we could've done something else instead of setting it off at the open area. we've could've like...mailed it back to japan or something, for memorance. and on the box it'll say, "Hey guys! remember this?" now that would've been pretty cool.
...okay letting it explode was definitely the best way.
i love japan. i do. really. really. world peace y'all.
nothing about me that i can talk about because my life has basically become as boring as sitting on a stool peeling the skin off 100 potatoes. yes. when it's project period, that's how it goes. *yawn* except though, my right ear has been blocked for 2 days. the kind where sometimes you blow your nose too hard and the inside of your ear gets blocked. only i havent had flu. it just suddenly became blocked. so i'm looking for remedies. anybody knows a way to unblock it?
boy, my life's such a bomb. pun intended.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Pinball Wizard
Pinball Wizard
Ever since I was a young boy,
I've played the silver ball.
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have played them all.
but I ain't seen nothing like him
In any amusement hall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the machine.
Feeling all the bumpers
Always playing clean.
plays by intuition,
The digit counters fowl.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He's a pinball wizard
There has to be a twist.
A pin ball wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.
How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?
ain't got no distractions
Can't hear no buzzers and bells,
Don't see no lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of smell.
Always gets a replay,
Never seen him fowl,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball.
I thought I was
The Bally table king.
But I just handed
My pinball crown to him.
Even on my favorite table
He can beat my best.
His disciples lead him in
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen him fowl.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
-The Who
Ever since I was a young boy,
I've played the silver ball.
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have played them all.
but I ain't seen nothing like him
In any amusement hall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the machine.
Feeling all the bumpers
Always playing clean.
plays by intuition,
The digit counters fowl.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He's a pinball wizard
There has to be a twist.
A pin ball wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.
How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?
ain't got no distractions
Can't hear no buzzers and bells,
Don't see no lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of smell.
Always gets a replay,
Never seen him fowl,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball.
I thought I was
The Bally table king.
But I just handed
My pinball crown to him.
Even on my favorite table
He can beat my best.
His disciples lead him in
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen him fowl.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
-The Who
Sunday, July 9, 2006
Saturday, July 8, 2006
dinner.
i just had a fabulous dinner. steamed chicken breast meat with self-blended strawberry milkshake, and mango pudding and grapes for dessert. i feel so healthy. and happy. (yes, good food makes me happy.)
but i cant believe i'm missing Coldplay on monday.
but i cant believe i'm missing Coldplay on monday.
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
Flippin' weirdo.
happy 4th July.
i need more hours on my hands.
i need more brain cells to work with.
perhaps i can play with the clock.
or the brain surgeon.
i could swim in the ocean.
and maybe drown myself.
or i could morph into the Hulk.
yea, i could morph.
happy independence day, america.
projects.
Projects.
PROJECTS.
i need more hours on my hands.
i need more brain cells to work with.
perhaps i can play with the clock.
or the brain surgeon.
i could swim in the ocean.
and maybe drown myself.
or i could morph into the Hulk.
yea, i could morph.
happy independence day, america.
Saturday, July 1, 2006
Bewitched, Bothered, and Boston
i mentioned that i was bothered in the previous entry. there is a problem, and i dont think it's going away anytime soon. but i'm not going to think about it for now. i'm not going to let it affect me.
i appreciate the concern of some of my pals but...i just cant really talk about it. i'm sorry but i've always been a pretty private person when it comes to my problems. and i dont mean problems like failing a test or something but problems. big, tough, real ones.
it's uncomfortable for me to talk to someone even if it's someone real close. i just really keep lots of things to myself. things that i find hard to share. so forgive me if i'm not talking.
here's the irony though. i really want to talk about it, but because i dont feel right doing so, it works for me by writing it out. i express better this way. but this issue's too personal. and i'm a private bitch. so i'm just going to feel tortured inside for this whole period. oh wait. i said i wasnt going to think about it so that i wont feel affected. that's right. i'm not going to freaking think about this unfair piece of crap.
not to worry, because when i really, really do need to talk, i talk to my bolster. it's true. my best mate at night. i mean, it cant talk back, and that makes it a really good listener. besides, i'm a psychotic private bitch so this makes perfect sense doesnt it? (talked to my slippers, wrote a letter to my tv..)
oh yes, i finally own Augustana's album. turns out it was sold $10 cheaper at Gramophone! 10 dollars! i'm so glad anna spotted it. now that, makes me happy.
yes. i think i'll go to Boston.
i appreciate the concern of some of my pals but...i just cant really talk about it. i'm sorry but i've always been a pretty private person when it comes to my problems. and i dont mean problems like failing a test or something but problems. big, tough, real ones.
it's uncomfortable for me to talk to someone even if it's someone real close. i just really keep lots of things to myself. things that i find hard to share. so forgive me if i'm not talking.
here's the irony though. i really want to talk about it, but because i dont feel right doing so, it works for me by writing it out. i express better this way. but this issue's too personal. and i'm a private bitch. so i'm just going to feel tortured inside for this whole period. oh wait. i said i wasnt going to think about it so that i wont feel affected. that's right. i'm not going to freaking think about this unfair piece of crap.
not to worry, because when i really, really do need to talk, i talk to my bolster. it's true. my best mate at night. i mean, it cant talk back, and that makes it a really good listener. besides, i'm a psychotic private bitch so this makes perfect sense doesnt it? (talked to my slippers, wrote a letter to my tv..)
oh yes, i finally own Augustana's album. turns out it was sold $10 cheaper at Gramophone! 10 dollars! i'm so glad anna spotted it. now that, makes me happy.
yes. i think i'll go to Boston.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)