thiiiiisss.
that much.
i dont live in a world with unexplainable fantasies, but i avoid reality just the same. maybe in a different way. i dont think about what's ahead of me, even though everyday that passes by means it's one step closer to what's about to happen.
i hate the thought of that. i hate it. if i keep thinking about what's ahead of me in my future, i'll be 80 in a few days time.
i was never always like that. i wasnt one to embrace and welcome my future with open arms but i sure wasnt one to escape from it. THEN. now? i try to run away from it like a chick from an eagle. scurrying, with my tiny two feet, trying my hardest to outrun the soaring eagle. the big eagle. with spreaded wings.
momma?
i know the problem. i see the problem. it's not teenage hormones. it's not the fear of heading out. it's just knowing that what lies ahead is the result of a choice that i made. one that wasnt so wise.
THAT's what i'm running from. that. i live everyday now with one concept. tomorrow's problems, shall be dealt with tomorrow. how unhealthy. how unsteady. but i cant deal with it. because my hair falls out everytime i start thinking about it at night. it's not an illness. i just yank my hair out, that's all.
i try to look ahead, for something bright, something happy, something to look forward to in the far future to keep me encouraged. c'mon. it's only months.
reality check.
to get there, i'll have to go through all those things that i'm trying to avoid now(or technically, wish i could magically skip). "live everyday like there's no tomorrow." wish i could. unfortunately, i think that only applies to someone who's 60 and retired.
which is why i shall erase my mind off sh*t right now by tuning in to Scrubs on tv. wow. how brave and appropriate.
yeah, run. run away when there're problems ahead of you. be a coward. that's what you parents taught you, isnt it? loser.
look no further.
the eagle has
6 comments:
hey, relax girl! nothing is impossible to sort out ;)
haha.
there probably is. but that's just how i feel and i'll say that i'm not proud of that at all.
no worries, i understand. just be strong!
it's true that there is nothing wrong about thinking about what we want in life or in the future but i guess take things a step at a time and it will all figure. no one wants a white haired swee hoon!
dont care about what others have, what others have achieved, how others think about you, what others are doing or what they are going to do.
just do what you want to do or think is right to do and it should all work out fine. when you think about how others are doing and stuff(in this situation about the future thingy) you will only make yourself feel much more inferior.
i guess you have already figured this out but i'm just hoping whatever i said will make you feel better.
i do know that. actually, i think i have always known that. i just dont want to look at it, currently. dont worry, i'm not under some form of depression or anything.
heh.
but thanks! :)
ah i see i see..
thats good to hear..just wanna make sure you're doing good.
anytime sweehoon, anytime ;)
as I learnt from JD,
you may not always like the outcome of a risk you make, but you're always glad you took them.
or at least you should, really. i think i'm trying to follow that principle right now and it's working. dare to take the risks babe. dare to take the leap.
everyone will reach there some day. some people just take a longer path to enjoy the scenery. :)
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