i feel like shit.

i hate it when she does that. my mother. blaming herself and my father for not being able to provide enough money for me to further my studies in australia. i hate it.

i know we have financial difficulties. i understand that. i understand that perfectly. i'm not asking for anything. yes, it would be a dream to be able to further my education overseas, especially since this idea has been in my head since i was in my secondary school years. but all these while, i darent yearn for much, because i knew of the problems we were facing. i never asked for much.

i dont blame them a single bit. my parents. they've have been slogging their whole lives to try to provide what's best for my brother and i. i really appreciate them for that. if anything, i'll work my way to australia. maybe it'll take me a few years. so let it take me a few years.

who am i to deserve all their frustrations and worries? it wasnt necessary at all.

if anyone's to be blamed, it should be me. i should be blamed for not being able to score well enough to enter a local university. i should be blamed for not being able to please them with good grades for years. not them. me. i blame myself.

so i hate that my mom has to feel this way. many times, i've tried to explain to her that it's no one's fault that we cant afford certain things in life. some people live in luxury, some dont. that's just the way of life.

she's mad at herself, and i'm mad at myself.

it's simply my fault.
end of story.