3 more days.

3 more days to the end of this prison termSIP.

3 more days to the end of this invasive, brain-wrecking, butt-torturing, mind-boggling horror.

3 more days to looking at the real-slim-shadys blockheads jackasses assclowns hard-nut, bloodsucking, dopeheaded codgers and to having that urge to do something, um, creative. you see, we never owned a halo.

3 more days to the end of this semester.

3 more days to the rightfully deserving holidays.

3 more days... for everyone else that is.

ah well. at least it's 3 more days to friday for me.
hip, hip, hoo-boy.

you cant stop the beat.

ok ok, with regards to my last post, i wasnt really pissed off when i wrote that or anything. i was just expressing my thoughts for that moment(and i still feel that way). but thanks for the concern anyway, you guys. just know that i'm one who seeks solace in my own arms and i'm fine. tired, but fine. :)

anyway, i caught this yesterday.

the story was alright but the music was catchy, loud and heaps of fun. really. it made the movie likeable.

the new girl, who also played the lead, Nikki Blonsky, was just a ball of fun to watch. she would probably dance all night if you let her. and apparently, when he's not shooting lasers from his eyes in "X-Men" or running away from strange people in "Disturbing Behaviour", James Marsden is actually a really good singer. really.

but my favourite has got to be Elijah Kelley. he just brought the house down for me.

Amanda Bynes wasnt that good of a singer but i thought she wasnt thaaat bad at all. so basically everyone, and i do mean everyone, could sing. ok, like duh, this IS a musical. i know. silly me.

all in all, i'd say it was a fun movie to watch but still, nothing beats Grease for me. grease lightnin'!

now excuse me while i go dance myself crazy. (this IS a SATURDAY night.)

stop.

*Please ignore this post if you've been awoken by the lovely chirping of the songbird by your window, with the sun rays beaming brightly on your smiling face. or if you've just had a nice day, to put it simply. close this page now, and go visit some gossip blogs. :) go! leave before it's too late! dont say i didnt warn you. *

is the coast clear? ok here goes.

recently, i've been asked loads of questions. questions about this, that, everything, anything. just loads of questions. questions, questions, questions.

QUESTIONS.
HI. IT HAS TO STOP.
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

i really dont know alot of answers to those questions. be it about school(project) or my life. and quite FRANKLY, i dont think i can answer any of them anymore. i cant squeeze out a reply. not for now, at least.

my mind's in a whirl. seriously. there're so many things going through my mind right now. even right at this instant. and the thing is, i know many people are just like me. and some probably have it worse. you know the feeling. that kind of feeling. that feeling where one day your head just tells you, "seriously, you have to stop."

so stop.
and stop thinking that i'm unconcerned with the shit around me.
stop it with everything. please.

but really, no offence to those who mean well(jackasses not included). i appreciate the concerns, i really do. especially with what's going on recently. appreciated! it's just that, at this moment, this period, this instant, my mind is not letting me give out any explanation to anything.

to say it nicely, i'd say that i just "need a short break from everything."
to speak my mind, i'd say that i'm " really bloody, fucking tired."

i cant remember when the last time i had a break was.

look, i dont know what the hell is wrong with me, you see. so i'm really sorry. but i think i need to shut out the rest of the world. it works better for me this way.

meanwhile, you know i dont drink. but i feel like i'm drunk as i'm posting this right now. hmm. maybe i am. all that's missing is the bottle...of well, alcohol. ha-ha. ha-h..

ok hell. it's not even funny.

Been Here Before

what a long, hard, tiring week last week has been.

bad announcements from school and my friends all came at one shot.
it was just bad news all over.

this week's most probably going to suck too. not as much, but still. my project review 2 is up on thursday, 1.20pm. the time to get humiliated in front of hundreds of our fellow students, having nothing to really present. yea, it's probably going to suck.

but life still goes on.
yes, i've learnt that life still carries on no matter how much it sucks. we just have to learn how to get through the shit that we go through and carry on living.

i learnt it the hard way.

"Only in your eyes a sudden need denied
I empathize.
it's ok now that you're gone
Hurry up and sleep,
to the night you go."

- Been Here Before, Jeremy Enigk

The Last Goodbye

dear you,

turtlela.

moomoohoon.

chickajean.

choo-choo train.

these names we made for ourselves on the randomest note a few years back.

tonight, for some reason, feels different. i was, for one, feeling quite at peace with myself. i held back my tears. instead, laughter brought about by ourselves. for the first time since you left, we were able to laugh at the things we did. just like what it was like when you were with us. you know how it's like, right? yea, you do. but of course, it will never be the same without you.

alot of people asked me why you did it. i wasnt really able to answer anyone of them. i guess i just didnt know what the real answer is.

i will never stop wondering why you did what you did, but i guess you had your unspoken reasons. and i've almost come to terms with it. at least, i think i have. this time, you really taught me alot of things. you taught me to cherish and treasure everyone around me. to treat my friends with respect. to be there for my loved ones. to not give up so easily no matter how bad things get.

actually, i've known these things for a long time. but you really taught me their precious, true meaning. so thank you.

i want to say alot of things to you. what should i do? i'll say them in my prayers, girl. i hope you'll be able to hear them. i'm sorry i wont be able to send you off on your journey tomorrow. i dont think i can bring myself to as well. but i will pray for you. i will.

so i guess, this is it. my one last letter to you before you go on your journey.. my dear, dear, sweet you.


goodnight, my dear choo-choo train. sleep tight. i'll miss you for as long as forever.

we love you.

forever, and will always be, your little friend,

Seige (moomoohoon)

from my heart to yours

dear you,

this evening, while i was walking to meet the others, i had a sick feeling in my stomach. i felt like i was going to throw up. i dont know why, but i just had it.

it's just... it hadnt quite hit me then. it felt like, the closer i got to your place, the more this seemed real. the more it became a reality. i never wanted it to be real. never. i still hope, wish, it's not. but it wasnt until i saw your photo...

it hit me. right smack at that moment. a picture, of you, my dear, dear friend.
it was real, wasnt it? this. this is real. is it?

i'm sorry i didnt look at you. yes, my parents said i shouldnt but it was mostly because i just didnt have the courage too. i dont know. it's just that, seeing you would mean that this has truly, really, happened. i couldnt bring myself to look at you. i am really, really, really sorry. but i couldnt do it. i still cant.

you know, a few times tonight, i actually imagined you sitting right amongst us, joining us in our conversations. it just felt like another thing that we attended together as a group. then we would leave together as a group, and talk about it on our way home.

but it just, i didnt think... it would be yours.
never.

tonight, plenty of our old classmates and friends came. but that wasnt my idea of our class gathering. not like that. it wasnt supposed to be like that.

there're certain things and images that i cant get out of my head right now. feels kind of empty, and kind of strange, but i think i'll be tough. i'll be strong. you'd want that, i know you do. if the idea of not wanting to depend on us and be independent led you to this, i'd rather you depended on us for your entire life. you know we love you. i know you know. i bet you loved us too.

so i have been addressing these entries to you.
because there's a part of me that, somehow, perhaps, just wishes that you would just leave me a comment right now.

when you're gone.

dear you,

why did you have to do it?

this morning, i woke up with a terrible gastric pain. i got an mc, something so rare in my poly life. was that a sign? was that an omen? was someone trying to tell me something?

it's so sudden. too sudden. i dont know what else to say. i've always counted you as one of my closer friends from secondary school. they'd always ask, "who?" and i'd always tell them, "the same ol' group." i'd mention all your names. YOUR lil' name.

perhaps i wasnt a good enough friend. shaun was right. we've been friends for so long, but i still dont know your favourite colour. your favourite number. your favourite song. your favourite word. the big things, we noticed. but the littlest things...they past by us just like that and i just didnt take note. if you are still here, i'd pick up the phone right now and ask you. i'd ask you every little thing possible. i swear. i'm sorry.

if only. if only we knew something was wrong. if only we knew your intentions. if only i knew to get there in time. to lend you a listening ear. to lend you a shoulder to cry on. to lend you a face to scream at. anything. just to be there for you. the if-onlys. they dont quite work now, do they?

11 august 2007. you had long hair. it was the longest you've ever grown it. you asked me if you should cut it. i told you not to, because i've never seen you with long hair. you contemplated. then you said you were going to try to let it grow this time. you've never seen yourself with long hair before too. we laughed.

i'll never get the chance to see it grow anymore.

the 70 cents newpaper. i left it in your bag. you wanted to return me, but i thought it was too troublesome for you. i told you to keep it. after a few smses, you said, "haha, ok."

that very saturday night. long john silvers. you had combo 1. with ice lemon tea. i said the tea was too sweet. you nodded in agreement and told me the same thing. plaza singapura's long john silvers has very, very sweet ice lemon tea.

you said to meet up after your examinations were over. all of us. we were set to travel together one day, as a whole group. your birthday. it's not even here yet. remember all you babies born on the 17th of july, august, september, october and november?

no longer will i have the chance to say "happy birthday!" on the 17th of october.
that mark on my calendar.

you left for the train that night. i waved and said, "bye!". i never knew that would be the last time that i would actually see you.

it still doesnt seem real. doesnt feel real. i know it for a fact, but i just cant seem to imagine it. perhaps there're many reasons to this. this thing. your reasons. i just wish i knew what they were, but i guess i will never know now. not a chance. will you just tell me that it's all a cruel joke? please.

"i'm sorry...bye bye..". unfair, dont you think? this is really, really unfair. it's not enough. come back.

why did you have to do this? why did you have to leave us?


Wei Choo.
"Choo."
17 October 1988 - 13 August 2007
we miss you already.

forever your friend,
Seige

tagged. again.

List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:
1. an electric guitar
2. a driver's license
3. an air-ticket to new york city, ny. or you know, anywhere out of here.
4. any of the albums below
5. new wallpapers of the city lights at night

Answer the following questions.

1.(the person who tagged you was ...)
shaun

2.(your relationship with him/her is ...)
he's my coffee/mahjong/cards/monopolyboard games/bak chor mee/chatting buddy.

3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..)
quirky, loves board games, borat smile, humorous, sensitive

4.(the most memorable thing he/she has done for you)
hm. sneezing blood while sitting behind me. haha.

5.(the most memorable words he/she has said to you)
"my soon-to-be-future-brother-in-law's-sister." he just said it just now!

6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..)
laugh. that'll be interesting.

7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be)
nothing. shaun is perfect! *cough*(dude, if you're reading this, i'm your best friend now. i win. endofstory.)

8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...)
laugh. again.

9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...)
that he strangled me because i wouldnt play monopoly with him.

10.(the most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is ...)
support him in whatever direction in life he chooses to lead. :)

11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...)
funny lil' boy.

12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?)
strange because i seem to think that i'm a mutant.
...well that's because it's true, you fools. d'oh.

13.(the characters you love of yourself are ...)
that i dont feel the need to know what the world thinks about me. well, unless they choose to tell me. oh, and that i find great music for therapy.

14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...)
that i'm gutless. and incapable in school. and that i cant open-up completely. basically, a shit job.

15.(the most ideal person you want to be is ...)
a simple person who knows what she wants in life and works to achieve it. (kinda hard right now.)

16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..)
aw. i love me too. ok, i was just kidding. no really, you guys are awesome. go buy yourselves some beerjuice. you deserve it. :)

17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
1. anna
2. marcus
3. jean
4. prisc
5. weichoo
6. lizhen
7. fifi
8. von
9. yan jun
10. shaun (fine, slap the shit out of me.)

dont worry, you guys dont really have to do this(if you ever see this). i just needed 10 names.

11.(who is no.6 having relationship with?) her boyfriend.

12.(Is no.9 a male or female?)
female.

13.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
um. it'll be a strange combination. really strange.

14.(How about no.8 and 5?)
ok, stranger.

15.(What is no.2 studying about?)
um, he's waiting to serve the country.

16.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?)
2 hours ago.

17.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?)
she listens to everything i guess.

18.(Does no.1 have any siblings?)
one brother who loves her to death.

19.(Will you woo no.3?)
hi jean. ;)

20.(How about no.7?)
impossible.

21.(Is no.4 single?)
no.

22.(What's the surname of no.5?)
chua. ms chua.

23.(What's the hobby of no.4?)
if it was recently, i'd say shopping. generally, i'd say sleeping. occasionally, i'd say long walks at the beach.

24.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?)
i'm not sure if they really know each other.

25.(Where is no.2 studying at?)
uh, pulau tekong, i guess? soon. well, ok, he was from republic poly. you lucky graduate, you! heh.

26.(Talk something casually about no.1)
she has pink nails. *blinks* oh and her bedroom's right below mine. ooh i wonder if she can hear me(or wake up) if i jump right now... (i win again!) okay, i love that woman to death.

27.(Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?)
LOL. if only she would just read this.

28.(Where does no.9 live at?)
queensland, australia.

29.(What color does no.4 like?)
hm. black. white. not sure what else. uh... blue?

30.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?)
unrelated.

31.(Does no.7 like no.2?)
HAHA.

32.(How did you get to know no.2?)
through anna. and um... singapore idol. oh CRAP, i said it.

33.(Does no.1 have any pets?)
nope. used to though. hamsters Phoebe and Joey.

34.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?)
the dude rocks his topman and suspenders, i tell ya. that bitch is hot.

cheers.

happy 42nd.

mamapookanas.

meme

oh before i forget, i've been tagged by cineylens to do this meme. so here goes.

rules:

• Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
• At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
• Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
  

8 Random Facts and Habits (that i have to figure out):

1. i have a goofy dance. no, i do not have a name for it. i just call it my goofy dance. it comes on whenever something groovy plays. especially when i'm in my own crib. works best with corny beats from the 80s. and believe me when i say it's goofy.
2. i can do a cartwheel. just rolled around so much as a kid that i picked it up. i used to be able to do it with just one hand but i think i should just stick to two right now. wouldnt want to die at 19.
3. i can talk with a filipino accent. *cough* not to offend any one.
4. the nails on my toes are kind of slanted. diagonal. yea. mom says i take after my dad but i reckon it's more of a mutant thing. which i totally am.
5. i've been wanting to try a fried worm. the type sold in the streets of bangkok. disgusting or not, i'll only know after i've tried it.
6. i used to have over 80 archie comics on my shelf and i read every single one of them, more than 5 times each. but i've given over 20 of them away to good pals. i should start a business renting these comics out, no?
7. i'm TERRIFIED of dolls. cockroaches? no. dolls? i HATE. i used to own, and love, this doll that produced stickers from herit's stomach when i was a kid. then it just became plain creepy as i grew up and i dumped it inside a pail(with a lid). it was under my desk for a long time and i refused to open it until i finally got my mom to throw that pail away one day, with it's lid on. believe me, i've even had dreams of it finding it's way back to my room and crawling under my blanket to "surprise" me. oh the bloody horror. do not call me paranoid. dolls are evil, i tell you. EVIL!
8. i love spiders. big or small, love em' all. there's just something about those eight-legged freaks that has enticed me since i was a kid. oh wait, my spidey-sense is tingling...

wow. i cant believe i managed to squeeze out 8 random facts about myself. anyway, if you're reading this and want to do it, then you're tagged. :)

which way, please?

i have got to do something about this life of mine.

it's not spiralling downhill. it's not.
i'm not pregnant, not sniffing coke, not getting wasted every night, not doing anything illegal(not that i would put it up here if i were). i'm healthy, got a home, and my family's still strong and tight.

so why does it still feel like something's missing?

i know. it's the future thing again. so bleak. so..empty. cant really see what it is like to be exact.
i need directions.
i need to start taking control.

perhaps getting inked would give me some directions. some spiritual guidance.

rrrright. excuses. haha.

this is why you should never watch too much scv.

i feel the urge to get inked.

oh crap.

mom'll probably "ink" my eye.
it's not my prerogative yet. and it'll probably never be. which, i somehow applaud to.
yes, as you can see, i am a confused soul.

please. let this be just a phase.

the world is going insane, i tell you. mental.
as if mother nature's destructions arent bad enough, we have to go around chopping others into pieces and kidnapping species of our kind. see, it's these things that show you why homosapiens are too smart for their own good.

which is why mutants should totally rule the earth.
so hear my call, my brothers and sisters. hear my call.

oh yes. know how everyone has a name for their "alter ego" or something? like "mimi" and her emancipation(Mariah Carey), and "sasha" and her falling stint during a performance(Beyonce)? well, turns out i have one too.

the name's Sanjay.
and he's a dude. i think.

okay. you probably dont understand this entry ENTIRELY and think that i'm drunk right now. thing is, i dont even drink. i'm thinking this is probably the start of an undeniable case of a mental breakdown. Cuckoo.