when you're gone.

dear you,

why did you have to do it?

this morning, i woke up with a terrible gastric pain. i got an mc, something so rare in my poly life. was that a sign? was that an omen? was someone trying to tell me something?

it's so sudden. too sudden. i dont know what else to say. i've always counted you as one of my closer friends from secondary school. they'd always ask, "who?" and i'd always tell them, "the same ol' group." i'd mention all your names. YOUR lil' name.

perhaps i wasnt a good enough friend. shaun was right. we've been friends for so long, but i still dont know your favourite colour. your favourite number. your favourite song. your favourite word. the big things, we noticed. but the littlest things...they past by us just like that and i just didnt take note. if you are still here, i'd pick up the phone right now and ask you. i'd ask you every little thing possible. i swear. i'm sorry.

if only. if only we knew something was wrong. if only we knew your intentions. if only i knew to get there in time. to lend you a listening ear. to lend you a shoulder to cry on. to lend you a face to scream at. anything. just to be there for you. the if-onlys. they dont quite work now, do they?

11 august 2007. you had long hair. it was the longest you've ever grown it. you asked me if you should cut it. i told you not to, because i've never seen you with long hair. you contemplated. then you said you were going to try to let it grow this time. you've never seen yourself with long hair before too. we laughed.

i'll never get the chance to see it grow anymore.

the 70 cents newpaper. i left it in your bag. you wanted to return me, but i thought it was too troublesome for you. i told you to keep it. after a few smses, you said, "haha, ok."

that very saturday night. long john silvers. you had combo 1. with ice lemon tea. i said the tea was too sweet. you nodded in agreement and told me the same thing. plaza singapura's long john silvers has very, very sweet ice lemon tea.

you said to meet up after your examinations were over. all of us. we were set to travel together one day, as a whole group. your birthday. it's not even here yet. remember all you babies born on the 17th of july, august, september, october and november?

no longer will i have the chance to say "happy birthday!" on the 17th of october.
that mark on my calendar.

you left for the train that night. i waved and said, "bye!". i never knew that would be the last time that i would actually see you.

it still doesnt seem real. doesnt feel real. i know it for a fact, but i just cant seem to imagine it. perhaps there're many reasons to this. this thing. your reasons. i just wish i knew what they were, but i guess i will never know now. not a chance. will you just tell me that it's all a cruel joke? please.

"i'm sorry...bye bye..". unfair, dont you think? this is really, really unfair. it's not enough. come back.

why did you have to do this? why did you have to leave us?


Wei Choo.
"Choo."
17 October 1988 - 13 August 2007
we miss you already.

forever your friend,
Seige